So...I'm video blogging these days.

We were both young when I first saw you.

*sigh*
Is it Thursday yet?
I need it to be Thursday. After four PM though. Can you make that happen?
If you can, you're my hero.

Yesterday I found out that I made a 71 on my last history test. Even though it is a step up from my last test, it means that I have to do really good on my final to try to get a C in the class. School is so hard. Boo.

I'm just ready to get home. I don't have much to blog about because I'm just so excited that tomorrow is Thursday and that means I get to go home and I get to see Twilight. And my puppy. :)

And Kevin.

I have started to realize that it's almost Christmas break though. You know what that means? A long time without seeing my Nac friends. That will be sad. I can take it though. We lasted all summer without each other. We can do it.

Gosh...I've done nothing all day. Just sat here. I've tried to do some homework. But I think my teacher is making it up, because I can't find it in the book. Boo.

Also, I've been trying to get my dad to put the internet capabilities back on my phone so I can get ringtones. He doesn't really like the idea. Probably because I abused the privileges last time. The only reason that happened though was because I was watching whole football games on NFL Mobile when I was in Zeta meetings. I won't have to worry about that this time because I don't have those meetings, I can just watch them games on TV. :)

So daddy, I know you're going to read this. Pleaseeeee!!!

Ok...going to do more of nothing!!!

Did I wake you?

This weekend was a great weekend! Of course it was a weekend so that made it good to start with...but after the week I had...it was WELL worth it. I don't even want to go over all the stuff that happened last week...I'll just focus on the AMAZING-NESS of this weekend.
So, If you didn't know, Kevin came to visit me and to look for an apartment for next semester. Not only did that GRAND thing happen...but Kip also came to visit Marie, which was great because through the year and a half I've known Marie...I had yet to meet Kip. But I finally did...and he's coolio... :) (Watch out because he'll sing Koolio for you)

So, on Friday Kevin and I went to see Madagascar 2. Amazing movie. So funny. Usually the sequels aren't that great, but I loved it. Not only did he take me to a movie, but he took me to Marble Slab...mmmm...my favorite. :) On Saturday we woke up pretty early for a Saturday morning...in my opinion. We had lunch at IHop and then met Marie, Brandon, and Kip for the movies. We saw the new Bond flick, Quantum of Solace. I was one of the few Americans that missed out on Casino Royale...so I wasn't too excited about this movie...but they all were...so I sat through it for them. I almost fell asleep at a few parts, but it wasn't too bad. I am a sucker for British accents though...so I could handle that...and Daniel Craig's BLUE eyes. :) I miss Pierce though.

After that we decided that we were going to eat at La Carreta for dindin...but had till 5. Kevin and I drove around and looked at houses, our favorite time killer. We arrived early so we sat in the the car, next to a cactus with prickly pears on it. Kevin told me that he would go pick one for me. I thought that sounded rather sweet, so I told him ok. It was a horrible idea. It's "pricklys" get stuck in your fingers and it hurts really really bad. We both had our fingers covered and couldn't quite get them all out. Everyone else at the table thought it was a riot though...they need to just wait...one of these days they're going to be hurting and I'm going to just laugh at them. Ha. :)

That night we ended up hanging with Allison and Jeryca and walked around Hastings trying to play Rockband...but some kids wouldn't get off. So we came back to the room and watched Saw instead. Not my choice. I hated it. Again. No bad dreams though, so that's good.

Sunday we missed churh. Oops. Blame it on me. I was tired. Kevin wasn't too happy about it. Oh well. We have our whole lives to go to church. This was a great day for me though. Tony was back to play for the Cowboys! And they won! :) Kevin and I got pretty bored before the game started so we drove around and found some AMAZING houses. Very expensive looking houses. We want them all. Then we went to Pecan Park and played around on the play ground and took pictures. Today Kevin woke up early and went apartment searching. He thought he found the one he liked, but after I went to class (what would have been class, but it was cancelled) I took him to one more and we fell in love with it. Luckily they are very pet friendly and I can have Carrie and Dutchess up here with me. :) That made my already wonderful weekend even better!

I almost forgot about one of the best parts of today. Kevin, Marie, and I had a pizza picnic at the park! It was amazing. Looked beautiful. We took even more pictures.

So...I just have to get through classes all day tomorrow...Wednesday with nothing (WebCT day in Com class)...classes for Thursday...then I'm home free for Thanksgiving break! I'm pretty stoked! Not going to lie.

Oh...Kevin got his hair cut. I'm not going to lie, I was super nervous about the whole thing. He can pull off the long hair, but once it gets a certain length it's gross and way too long. I was pleasantly surprised. He looks amazing with his new hair cut. If you haven't seen it, go to my facebook and check out our new pictures.

So, gosh...great weekend! Can't wait for the rest of the semester to be over though...almost here!!!

The Best Day...

If you didn't know already, I'm am pretty much in love with Taylor Swift. Her new CD is AMAZING! I love all of the songs. My favorite is The Way I Loved You...but The Best Day is a close second. Taylor wrote it for her daddy...and I think it's a great song...So Dad, (since I know you're the only one that reads this), I dedicate this song to you.
I miss you when I'm at school!!!

I'm five years old
It's getting cold out
I've Got my big coat on


I hear your laugh
And look up at smilin at you
I run and run
Past the pumpkin patch
And the tractor rides
Look now, the sky is gold
I hug your legs
And fall asleep on the way home


I don't know why all the trees change in the fall
But I know you're not scared of anything at all
Don't know if Snow White's house is near or far away
But I know I had the best day with you today


I'm 13 now
And don't know how
My friends could be so mean
I come home crying
And you hold me tight
And grab the keys


And we drive and drive
Until we found a town far enough away
And we talk and window shop
Til i've forgotten all their names


I don't know who I'm gonna talk to now at school
But I know I'm laughin
On the car ride home with you
Don't know how long it's gonna take to feel okay
But I know I had the best day with you today


I have an excellent father
His strengh is making me stronger
God smiles on my little brother
Inside and out
He's better than I am


I grew up in a pretty house
And I had space to run
And I had the best days with you


There is a video I found
From back when I was three
You set up a paint set in the kitchen
And you're talkin to me
It's the age of princesses and pirate ships
And the seven dwarves
My Daddy's smart
And you're the prettiest lady in the whole wide world


Now I know why the all the trees change in the fall
I know you were on my side
Even when I was wrong
And I love you for giving me your eyes
Staying back and watching me shine


And I didn't know if you knew
So I'm takin this chance to say
I had the best day with you today

Of course the video I see from when I was three is just of me running around the back yard...swinging...and sliding...but it's all the same. :))

puppies = love

I'm down right now. I think all I need is my puppy.
If anyone would like to bring me Carrie I would be eternally grateful.

Thanks.

Good Grief.

It's a rather gloomy day in the neighborhood. Just like yesterday. Clouds. Rain. Yuck.

It's actually worse than yesterday. Probably because I have three classes today, not just one.

I don't know why I went to sleep on Sunday night at 9:30 when I didn't have a class till 2:30 PM the next day and then last night I didn't lay down till 2AM when I had to get up at least by 8:30 AM to go to breakfast. I guess my body doesn't understand the kind of sleep I need to survive. Oh well. I got up this morning. Probably because my mother called me at 7:30 and when I didn't answer she called me again. After letting her "hear my little voice" I tried to roll back over and go to sleep...only to get a text from Kevin about 10 minutes later. After reading it, and not responding, I rolled over yet again to try to get a little more sleep. It was hot in my room this morning so I yanked the covers off of me and just laid there looking at the wall. About 10 minutes after that Jeryca's alarm went off. It was 8AM. I decided that the world was trying to wake me up for some reason, so I rolled out of bed...not happy to be alive.

Oh well. I had breakfast with friends this morning. And I suppose being alive is better than the alternative.

I'm so ready for Thanksgiving break...it's almost here. Only 7 more class days till I'm out of here! Then it's a world of never-ending turkey...pumpkin pie...pecan pie...dressing...happy people...and Cowboys football. Oh gosh...sounds almost too good to be true.

Oh, but before Thanksgiving gets here, the day I get home for Thanksgiving break, I get to go to the midnight showing of TWLIGHT!!!! The movie is finally here!!! I don't think I can express how happy I am right now. I've been ready for this for a while...and it's going to be beyond amazing. I mean...BEYOND AMAZING!!! Robert Pattinson, AKA Edward Cullen, is going to be in Dallas today for autographs and such. Marie and I were trying to think of ways we could get there and not skip class. There was no way. You had to be at the Hot Topic at the Galleria by 6AM to get a wristband to meet him. Sad day. But knowing that he is just three hours away from me...wow...that's good enough. :))

Kevin is coming to see me this week and Kip is coming to see Marie. We are very excited about it. We're going to double date on Saturday night. It's going to be just like the movies. We're hoping that Kip and Kevin become good friends. Who knows if they will. (They better!)

Well now Kevin is complaining to be about not coming to him with my problems...it's going to be a great day in my neck of the woods!

As Charlie Brown puts it..."Good Grief".

I guess I'll write a real blog...

So, I need to catch back up on this blogging thing. I was doing a really good job of it last semester and I guess I gradually over the summer let it die. Probably because I think Marie and Dad are the only two people that read this thing and I tell them about everything anyway.
Last night I laid down at about 9:30 and was asleep pretty soon after that. That is probably the earliest I have gone to sleep in a long time. Probably since I was in Intermediate School. I wasn’t sick or anything, just extremely tired. When I woke up at 8:55 to go to the restroom I thought about staying up and starting my day early, but when I peeked outside and realized how ugly of a day it was...I changed my mind and crawled back in my bed.
My bed here at school isn’t half as comfy as my bed at home. After sleeping in my amazing bed at home I hate the one in my dorm. It’s lumpy...probably because the little eggshell thing I have, trying to make it comfier always lumps up and will never stay fixed...and the sheets aren’t my comfy red ones that I love. I can’t wait till winter break so I’ll have a month or so of total comfort!
It’s getting cold again. Who knows how long it will last this time. Hopefully longer than a day. Of course it came with rain...which made me not like today too much. But I do love the cold! I’m wearing a bright orange VV jacket today. Just because I can. :)) It makes me miss home. But on the positive side I will never get hit by a car because it’s so bright you can probably see it from Jupiter. Back to the cold...I love it! “It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas!” I’m already in the Christmas mood. They’re using the Christmas cups already at Starbucks. Not that I’m getting any Starbucks because I don’t have any money...but I’m sitting by Starbucks so I can smell all the wonderful coffee being made and drank by people that are lucky enough to have $5 to spend on it. (This is a plug to get my daddy to send me Starbucks money).
I have a huge history test on Thursday...which probably means that I shouldn’t be wasting my time writing a blog, and I should be studying. Oh well. I’ll do it later. I can’t sit and study for hours on end. I’m sure my head would explode. I also have a paper due on Thursday that I thought was due NEXT Thursday...so I’ll be working on that along with my studying.
So, Marie and I decided that we needed to change our AIM screen-names because her’s is old, and mine is about Zeta. If you have any ideas let me know because I am not that creative. (Dad, I don’t want anything about toenails...)
Ok, I guess this is enough of a blog for now. Maybe when I have something real to talk about I’ll write another one.

I wrote a poem

Boy meets girl.
Girl meets boy.
Boy likes girl.
Girl loves boy.
Boy leads girl on.
Girl follows boy wherever he leads.
Boy likes girl.
Girl still loves boy.
Boy leaves girl.
Girl misses boy.
Boy writes to girl.
Girl continues to love boy.
Boy doesn't go back to girl.
Girl goes to boy.
Boy drags girl further down.
Girl can't get enough of boy.
Boy lets go of girl.
Girl falls.
Girl loses all hope.
Girl is all alone.
Girl is lost.
Boy wants girl.
Girl loves another boy
Boy calls girl.
Girl falls again for boy.
Boy goes home to girl.
Girl loves boy.
Boy leaves girl again.
Girl loses all hope, is alone, is lost...again.
Boy forgets girl.
Girl moves on.
Girl finds hope.
Girl loves.

It's a survey but I thought it should be shared.

01] Do you have the guts to answer these questions and re-post as The Controversial Survey?
I will answer them all...but I probably won't post it as that.






[02] Would you do meth if it was legalized?
No. Why would I do something that would kill me? I don't play in traffic just because it isn't illegal.







[03] Abortion:for or against it?
I am for it in certain cases. I don't think that a girl that got pregnant should get one just because she doesn't want a child.

But I do think that it should always be the woman, not the government's choice.






[04] Do you think the world would fail with a female president?
No I don't think the world would fail. We would probably have some problems considering that there are some people stuck in their stubborn ways. But I think that a woman can do just as good of a job as a man.





[05] Do you believe in the death penalty?
I'm from Texas, so that's a given.

But I think if I even wasn't from Texas I would believe in it. There are some people that just do horrible things that should never be able to breathe again.






[06] Do you wish marijuana would be legalized already?
Didn't I basically answer that question with the meth one? It could kill you. It damages your body.
Why would you want to do something like that?




[07] Are you for or against premarital sex?
I would be a hypocrite if I said that I was against it. But I do have a great respect for people that wait.







08] Do you believe in God?
I do believe that there is a God.





[09] Do you think same sex marriage should be legalized
The Christian in me says that it shouldn't be, because of the things that the Bible says.

But then the other part of me thinks that we have evolved enough, and that it has been a few years since the Bible was born, and things have changed.

So, I think that it would be fine for it to be legalized, that is the person's decision to be the way they are. I am no one to stop it.




[10] Do you think it's wrong that so many Hispanics are illegally moving to the USA?
Yes if they're doing it illegally. I really don't see what is so wrong of doing it legally. Why can't they do what they need to do to become a US citizen. They're not getting the rights that make the US so good if they are illegal. They have to hide.
What's the fun in that?




[11] A twelve year old girl has a baby, should she keep him?
That is the gray area in abortions.

First off, I don't think she is old enough to have sex. And if she did it willingly I blame the parents for not raising her well enough to know that she can't go dropping her pants before she's even a teen. Part of me thinks that if she did it willingly she should have to live with the consequences and have the baby. But a 12 year old's body is not equipped to carry a baby for nine months and then go through labor, it could damage her for life and probably hurt her chances of having kids in the future.

If she didn't have sex willingly, like if she was raped, she should be able to have an abortion because she shouldn't be forced to live with something like that for the rest of her life.

Like I said, it's a real gray area.





[12] Should the alcohol age be lowered to eighteen?
I know that the drinking age used to be 18. And I know that lots of people that are between the ages of 18 and 21 think that the age should be lowered again. But there is a good reason that they raised the age. People were dying. More than should have been.
I know that people still drink and do stupid things and die before they are 21, but why risk it?






[13] Should the war in Iraq be called off?
I think that the war should have never started, but now that we are in it we should stick it out and support what we are doing.

With that said, it should be ended as soon as possible. This has been going on since 2001. That's 7 years. What has it done? If it has done anything, it's just made Americans even more scared of terrorists and anything else that poses a threat to our country.

So, I think we should get our troops out of there. But in a planned out way. We can't just "call it off".




[14] Assisted suicide is illegal: do you agree?
I find this a hard thing to think about. if someone is lying in a bed hurting really bad, who are we to say that he can't tell the doctors to pull the plug? He is in pain. I wouldn't want to lie in pain for days, weeks, months, even years. Sometimes it's better to let them just leave this life and go to heaven.




[15] Do you believe in spanking your children?
Yes I believe in spanking your children.

I don't believe in beating your children.

But a little smack with a belt now and then never killed anyone.

Gosh it hurt a whole lot, but I'm sure I'm a better person for it.





[16] Would you burn an American flag for a million dollars?
Maybe one of those little dollar store ones. lol.

But no, that's just plain disrespectful. And whoever put me up to that should be shipped off to the front lines in Iraq.





[17] Who do you think would make a better president? McCain or Obama?
Obama.

I don't feel like going on and on about why he will.

But at least he won't kill over withing a few months of being elected.





[18] Do you think Obama will be killed?
I would like to think that he won't. I like to think that people are more mature than that.

We let black men act in our movies and win our oscars. We let black men teach our children. We let black men perform surgery on our dying relatives. Why can we not let a black man run our country? They already do in more ways than one. What does a white man do better than a black man? Nothing.




[19] Should child predators be forced to wear signs identifying themselves?
I don't see why child predators are even out in the world. Why aren't they locked up somewhere in a private community where they can't get to any of our children. I'm all for second chances. But not for someone who sexually abused a child. No way. That's not only wrong, it's just plain gross.






[20] Are you afraid others will judge you from reading some of your answers?
Oh I know they will. But i think that it really shouldn't matter because they are my feelings.

Don't let it happen again

We think we know who we are and what we're about. Even if we don't know right away, we figure it out in the end. Right?

Because sometime we think we have it all figured out the "BAM" our of nowhere something smacks us straight in the face unexpectedly. 

Maybe we never know who we are. Maybe we will never know the true us. 

I may never be too decisive about anything, but I always think I know who I am. When I make a decision, I stick to it. I try to give my heart and go with it. 

Is it all worth is?

I've had moments in my life when I knew exactly who I was and exactly who I wanted to be. That was two years ago and I now find myself to be a completely different person and I want completely different things. 

Is the thing that matters the most right now going to matter as much to me ten years down the road?

I like to think that I'm old enough now that I can make life long decisions and be fine with the results. But how will I ever know? I don't want to have to live with a mistake for the rest of my life. I know I should just give my heart and go in every aspect of my life, friends, relationships, school work, it's just hard. 

I know who I am...I love Kevin, I'm very happy with all of my friends, and I would do anything for my family...but I'm not sure if the me I know is the real me. I don't want to change, so how and I suppose to be sure it won't happen again?

I saw God today.

Today has already been a special day. I woke up at 8:30AM...yes you read that right...8:30AM. I decided that it was a great day to go eat breakfast with my girls. I loaded my laundry basket in my truck on the way to the cafeteria so I wouldn't have to make too many trips on my way out this afternoon. After breakfast I got ready and decided to go ahead and load the rest of my stuff in the car and head over to WalMart to return my redbox movie and to buy Sex and the City. After WalMart I filled up my truck and decided that I needed to reward myself for getting up early and taking care of things so I drove over to Sonic. I ordered I medium strawberry limeade and the man on the intercom asked it I wanted to make it a large so it would last longer, I figure what the heck, it's just a few more cents. After a while he walked out with my large drink in hand and I could tell he was the manager. He got to my car and this is what he said, "So, here's how this is going to work. The lady at smoothie kind earlier gave me a smoothie, so I'm going to give you a strawberry limeade. Now you have to go out and do something good for someone." After thanking him a whole bunch, probably more than a sonic drink was worth, I drove off in awe. It was just the "pick up" that I needed to make this day perfect. It's just so amazing to see how God works. I know that I have trouble with my faith, but something like this makes me realize that the world isn't all bad, that God is here. 

I can't wait till I get a chance to change someone else's day. 

I'm sorry

I'm sorry that I can't be perfect for everyone.

I'm sorry that I can't do exactly what everyone wants me to do.
I'm sorry that when I talk on the phone I don't talk for very long, I get uncomfortable.
I'm sorry that I don't always say the right things.
I'm sorry that I don't always say things when I'm supposed to.
I'm sorry that I can't make decisions all the time.
I'm sorry I get tempted.
I'm sorry I spend money like it's nobody's business.
I'm sorry that I can't make up my mind about what I want to do in life.
I'm sorry that I cut people off when they're talking.
I'm sorry that I like to sleep really late.
I'm sorry that I'm not that great at the whole "school" thing.
I'm sorry that I've not been the best friend I could be.
I'm sorry that I get hot really easily, I'm fat, that's how fat people are.
I'm sorry I'm mean a lot.
I'm sorry that I expect more from you.
I'm sorry that I don't like the same music as you.
I'm sorry that I have a past that I don't want to forget.
I'm sorry that I don't go to church in Nac.
I'm sorry that you don't like me.
I'm sorry that you think I don't like you.
I'm sorry that I'm not that school spirited.
I'm sorry that we grew apart.
I'm sorry that I don't like poetry.
I'm sorry that I can't remember useless history facts.
I'm sorry that I'm lazy.
I'm sorry I can't grow up like I need to.
I'm sorry that I can't forgive her.
I'm sorry I eat too much.
I'm sorry I can't go back and make everything right from the start.
I'm sorry I'm not her.

I'm sorry I'm not a hero.

Sunshine and Summertime

I haven't had a real vacation in a few years. Since Branson I suppose. When Kelsey asked me to go to Florida with her and her mom, I couldn't say no. A whole week away from everything? What could be better. Of course I'm not a huge fan of the beach. I hate sand everywhere. The water is usually icky. And it's just plain hot as hell. But it was a chance to get away from everything. All the drama and craziness of back home. Let me tell you, that part has been great. Getting away from work? Basically the best thing to happen to me in forever. 

I'm sitting out on our balcony looking out at the beach. It really is beautiful and peaceful. From far away of course. As soon as I step onto it I feel completely gross, but it's always worth a shot. 

This morning I was sitting under the umbrella down by the water reading Nights In Rodanthe by Nicholas Sparks, imagining how it would feel to finally get to walk along the North Carolina coast with the man I love when all of a sudden out of no where two dolphins started playing in the water in front of us. It was so amazing. Of course I've pet dolphins at Sea World, but to actually see them not in captivity, but in their natural habitat was just plain cool. 

I've always imagined a place like this to be romantic. A place you would go with the person you truly care about. But the people I'm here with use it as a place to get away from the men in their lives. If only I had a man in my life to get away from. Ha. 

It would be nice to come out here with a few of my friends that share my same outlook on the beach. 

Just driving around out here you feel footloose and fancy free, like there's no care in the world. No place to be, no one to please. Just yourself of course. And that's what we're all doing. Making ourselves happy. Kelsey and Becca love the beach, that's where they are, sitting on the beach in the sun. I love to relax and blog and watch Sex and the City and read, so that's where I am, away from the water in the shade. And the women, well they like to do a little bit of everything, and they do it. With their drinks in hand. :)

Well this sea water air is making my eyes water, so I'm going to escape back into my bedroom to read a novel and imagine myself to be Carrie Bradshaw, away from my lover on a tropical getaway. 

This place I'm in is not my home.

I don't like to talk about serious things. I prefer to think about them. I never know how to put my thoughts into words that will do them justice. 

I wish I knew how to though. It would help. I know that talking about my feelings would be able to take a burden off my shoulders. 

But as of now, I'm stuck with all of it. Alone.

I have so much on my mind these days. I don't know how to sort it all out. So many people to please that it's impossible to even try. 

I wish it could be like the movies, just call in to work and tell them you'll be gone and then pack up your bags and leave. Leave to anywhere. Just fly to the beach and rest for a week. Away from the noise and drama of life. When someone finds a life like that, let me know, because I will be the first in line to get one. 

I can't live a lie

Can a boy and a girl just be friends? Can they have a friendship that's just, "Hey, you're my buddy that I like to talk to and hang out with"? Can they hang out with each other without other friends without being suspected of a secret romance? It is possible isn't it?

I believe it is, but I may be wrong. I just need to make sure that what I believe is true. 

I like to think that I have a lot of friends, boys and girls alike. I'm not romantically attracted to 95.8% of my guy friends and obviously I'm not interested in dating 101% of my girl friends, so why can't I have one on one alone time with any of them that I choose to?

Some people think differently than I do and that really bugs me. I really don't think that an outside person should be able to tell me who I do and don't hang out with. 

I've needed to blog for a long time. Luckily I've built up some emotion so I can let it all out now. 

I've learned that I don't like being told what to do. Tell me what to do and unless you are some authority figure, I will probably do the opposite of what you say. I don't like to listen to my friends when they tell me who to and not to date. I don't like to listen to my co-workers when they tell me what to do (Hello, if you were my boss you wouldn't have the same job as me). I don't like to listen to my parents tell me to do chores. 

I realize that I need to do some of these things, (I always end up doing my chores, but for the sake of argument I'm stating that I don't like to) and some of them get taken care of. But really, don't boss me around. By all means tell me your opinion. I would love to hear it. I'm not in any way perfect so I need all the help I can get to live my life, but you telling me exactly what to do is not helping anyone. It just makes me angry and makes you look like an idiot. 

No, I'm not talking to anyone in particular. I've had many people do this to me lately. I ask for their opinion and they go overboard. Then it puts me in an interesting spot. I can either A) listen to their advice and do what they say so I won't hurt their feelings, but it may not make me completely happy, or B) don't do what they say and hurt their feelings, consequently losing a friendship and either being happy or not, who knows. So, when your opinion is called upon make sure you only give me your opinion, not a written out "How-to" manual on "How-to live Jordan's life". Trust me, if there was a good enough one of those I'd done read it by now. 

I'm trying something new these days. I'm trying to be a nicer person. But I've learned that in this day and age it is extremely difficult to be sweet to everyone you associate with. It very hard to say something nice all the time. I've become so accustomed to having a sarcastic or witty comment after everything someone says that they just fly out of my mouth without me even thinking about it first. 

This is quite a downfall in some cases. 

I anger my mom quite frequently with this new talent of mine. I also see it in my friends faces after I say something that hurts them. 

I don't know if it's because of what I watch on the TV or what I imagine to be the perfect lady that everyone wants me to be. But I do know that something needs to change in my life. I know that because I'm not happy. 

I've been happy before. I've been rather content a couple times in my life. This time is not one of them. I know I'm loved. I know people care for me. I know people would hate to see me gone. But I just feel empty and alone 90% of the time. That's a lot for someone that seems so outwardly happy. 

I've gone and turned this into a soap box and I'm sorry. I just needed to get a few things out on cyber paper. 

You broke my heart you know

Have you ever noticed that when you're heart breaks it really does hurt? Even though there isn't really a crack in your actual beating heart, there really is a sharp pain in your chest. And that pain is so horrendous that it makes you want to scream so loud that the whole world will wake up and feel the same agony as you. Whether it's a fresh break, or the re-opening of an old wound, it all hurts. 

I personally think that old ones hurt the worse. Because you aren't prepared to feel the pain again. You think you're over it. You think you've moved on. But your heart hasn't. It's not completely healed. I guess it takes the heart a little more time than your mind to forget about something someone has done to you. 

Why do you suppose it hurts so much? Who decided that when someone does someone else wrong that it would send automatic shocks of pain through their heart? I mean that's pretty harsh. It's like throwing lightning bolts straight through my chest. And it doesn't help that it comes with tears. Lots of tears. More tears than my pillow is meant to hold. 

Have you also noticed that when said breaking of the heart happens that every single memory of that person that committed the crime come rushing back like a waterfall? There's no stopping it. You remember every amazing and horrible thing about that person. And you don't want to. You just want to get some sleep and dream about happy times. But you can't. You are forced to sit up and rummage through old boxes of memories that you'd thought you'd locked in the basement of your (once-again) tormented brain. 

For future reference God, when you are making people, or even just women, make their hearts less breakable. It would save us a lot of pain. 

(Talking to the mirror, whispering your name. It's just like you were here. You'd think I was insane. I hold these conversations in the silence of my room, rehearsing all the things I'd say, should I run into you. How's it going, might be what I'd say. You broke my heart you know, or it looks like rain today. Or God I've missed since you went away. You're looking well or go to hell, might be what I'd say. There's time I've been so angry i could put my fist right through the wall and then there's times I've come so close to giving you a call. I love you and I hate you all at the same time and then I pray you'll come back to me before I lose my mind. -Gary Allan)

I hate poetry

It's the truth. I really don't like poetry. But the other night I couldn't sleep and wrote some. Not good by any stretch, so don't judge. Just a few scribbles.

"I lay here at night

actually the early morn

thinking of the things 

I've accomplished in my life

I've made someone laugh,

I've made someone cry

I've even made someone wish 

they never were alive

Some things I'm proud of. 

Some things I'm not.

But I have to be honest

I wouldn't change a whole lot

I've loved with my whole heart

I've hated with it more

Changing that part is one

that I wish I could

I've lived a pretty full life

For a girl of my age

I'm ready to write the next chapter

give me a fresh page"

I never know when to make poetry rhyme. I mean I studied it all through senior year, so I know some things. But I've always thought that poetry was jut left up to interpretation.

"Have I let you down?

And I what you planned"

Do I amount to everything you dreamed a little girl to be?

I look to you every day and wonder, 

"Do I make him proud".

I know you say I do, 

but you know I have doubts.

I spend all your money

and cause problems over little things.

Wouldn't you be happier with someone smarter, 

skinnier,

even prettier?

I've always thought myself to be 'Daddy's Little Girl', 

but are you tired yet of bailing me out of trouble?

You may be confused, 

this may take you by surprise

because we rarely fight or bicker.

I just thought I'd run it by you, 

in case you need a change."

I don't have any stanzas, or any format for that matter. I just kinda poured stuff out on paper. 

Blah. 

"What have I done, 

What did I do, 

to deserve this kind of life?

The kind that seems great, 

the kind that some may want.

When the truth is that I want more, 

that I yearn for more. 

More than I can get, 

More than is possible of achieving.

People see one side of my life, 

the side I don't hide. 

The glam and the glitz

That's what I try to be about, 

but there's another one, 

One deep down inside that few see.

It's not that dark, 

just a little gray.

Tainted by a past I'm getting over.

I'm not sad with my life, 

don't get me wrong. 

I just need to know what I can do

What I can do to help me move on

On from the past, 

onto the future

So tell me what I've done

to make things like they are."

Ok this last one is a little more structured. Inspired by Rascal Flatts' song, "Help Me Remember". :)

"Help me remember

the secret of life

is is only to become

the perfect husband or wife?

Or is it something different?

Is that not it at all?

Is it only to dance

Until the one day you fall?

Help me remember 

What it's like to be a child.

Is it only pure happiness, 

living every day running wild?

Or is it something different?

Do I have it all wrong?

Is it only complete bliss?

Oh, It's just been too long.

Help me remember

How is was when I was with you.

Was it only a passing phase?

Did you know you'd leave me blue?

Or was it something different?

Did you mean everything you said?

Was it only to save yourself, 

that you hurt me instead?"

Ok, so that's what I have for now. I wasn't going to share them with the World Wide Web, but It's 2:40AM on Monday morning...and I can't sleep...go figure. 

East to West

"You know just how far the East is from the West, from one scarred hand to the other"

Casting Crowns gets me through all of life's problems. Their lyrics are just absolutely amazing. 

There isn't much going on in my life right now. Just getting ready for finals and moving back home. I really really hope I do well on my finals. Tomorrow I need to go buy some note cards so I can make flash cards for my different tests. I'm planning on driving to my grandparent's house in Louisiana to study next weekend, so I won't be distracted by all the "distractions" here. I planned out my classes for next semester. Get to register tomorrow morning, 7AM. I'll be up registering...then going back to sleep. I'm going to have to have one class on Friday. :( Blah. Oh well. I'll be fine. Can't always have the perfect schedule. trying for 15 hours this time. English, History, 2 Communications, and a Theatre. :) Communication is making me have the MWF class. Intro to Radio/TV...I'll be fine. 

Speaking of that...I've decided for the time that I want to be a news anchor. That's right. The next Katie Couric right here. :)))

My cat Annie is missing right now. It's only been one day, so we shouldn't worry. But I worry. I worry every day about my babies. And I can't be there to look for her. I hope she shows up. Pray for her, please. She's so much like her mother, who went missing a couple years ago. Gosh I miss my cats so much. I CAN'T WAIT FOR SUMMER!!!!!

Not much to blog about. Other than I hate being a girl. Boys have it so much easier in every single way. I dare you to name one way that the girl has it better...that's what I thought. In no way. 

:)

"It's crowded in worship today as she slips in, trying to fade into the faces. The girls teasing laughter is carrying farther than they know. Farther than they know. But if we are the body why aren't his arms reaching, why aren't his hands healing, why aren't his words teaching? And if we are the body why aren't his feet going, why is his love not showing them there is a way? There is a way."

Playing solitaire till dawn...

...With a deck of 52.

So, that's not how the song goes, but I have all the cards in my deck. Hopefully, since it's online. They better not be cheating me! Even though that would explain a lot of losing. 

I was sitting here at 3:05AM on Tuesday morning and I realized that I hadn't blogged yet about Monday. Today was a pretty good day. Went to the lake, got a little red, went to class, learned easy cheesy stuff, went to lufkin, ate yummy food, planned out an entire road trip, and changed my myspace profile. 

Yup. I'm amazing. 

Thing is I want to take a shower, but when I was leaving my room in my towel I looked down the hallway and saw a police office standing there. I don't know what was going on (I'll look into it tomorrow), but I got scared and decided to put my shower off until the AM. 

And I guess I'm going to get back to solitaire for now. 

Night!

The moment after.

You know that point in your life when you think everything is perfect? It seems that nothing could go wrong? Well, I don't want to talk about that point, I want to talk about the next second right after that fabulous moment. The point when all the worries start flooding in, the point when you keep telling yourself that things are too good to be true, that this couldn't be happening to you. That has to be the most depressing part of any moment. That moment right after. Like you go to the store and buy the cute pair of kitten heels that will go perfectly with the outfit you got for your birthday and right when you walk out the door you think that that $60 could have gone to something else, like the church or starving kids in Africa. It's a horrible time in anyone's life, thinking that what you've done isn't right or thinking that it's all going to end sometime; probably soon. 

I had a great weekend. But nothing's perfect. It all has to end. You have to slide down from cloud 9 some time, holding onto it with every bit of your strength. 

I've been thinking about the people I look up to lately, searching for any help in what I want to do with my life. For starters, I look up to my mom. She's a wonderful lady, loves every one that she knows unconditionally and rarely ever falters when making a decision. I respect her with everything that I have, I'm just not quite the same as her. Not as strong and level headed. On the other hand I look up to my dad. He's always there for me whether it be to haul my car four hours back home or to let me cry on his shoulder when the latest boy has done me wrong. But I can't handle things the way he does, we may be more similar than my mom and me, but he is also much stronger than I am. I suppose all that may come with time, but just a little of it now would be nice. Then I have my fictional characters that I look up to. The ones that I want to play in a movie. The ones that I wish I could be just like. Scarlet O'Hara. I find myself more and more like her every day. She's conceited. She's over dramatic. She's beautiful. She's stubborn. I'm all those things. But if she were in any of my tough situations she wouldn't handle them the way I do. Even though I see so much of me in her character, she still is more of a feminist than I will ever be. My newly found role model is Carrie from Sex and the City. Like her, I have a Mr. Big. (I'm pretty sure I've gotten over my Big, but there comes times when I'm not so sure.) I also like to keep a journal on the computer, I use blogger though. She's been in and out of relationships. She also has a job that I've always admired. I think that I want to be something like her when I grow up. 

I think. 

I just don't know anymore. I just don't. I don't know how to confront people when I need to talk the them about things. I don't know how to make decisions. I'm too scared about what people will say, what will happen, what won't happen. 

I thought I was getting better at this thing called life, but I actually think that I'm hitting that moment after. 

Peace, Love, & DDPs

So I thought I had a very productive day. I woke up...after one and took a shower and got dressed and pretty-fied. Then cleaned my room. Then took random, goofy pictures (which can be seen on my myspace and facebook). Then I watched a movie and cut out random words and pictures from magazines. I did this all while waiting for my wonderful friends to get here from Van Vleck to spend the weekend with me! Jeryca and Kevin got here about seven. I didn't even know that they were in town and they walked into my door, it was great. :) We walked over to the Student Center to see if anything was open, which it wasn't, and then decided that we should go to chilis and get Kev's discount. Ate and I decided I should pay since I was treating them to a night in Nac. :) We started to get worried about Justin since he was supposed to be here around 8 and it was nearing 9, so we texted him. Turns out he made a detour in Houston to go to Guitar Center, but didn't tell anyone so we, ok maybe just me, had crazy visions of what could have happened to him in our heads. He made it here around 10 then we just hung out in my room. Jenna and Sarah and Jared all came by at random times to meet my friends and chill, then the four of us started and movie and they dropped like flies leaving me up and alone and not at all tired. I guess that's probably because they all got up in the AM and eventually made a three hour trip and I didn't. I guess that's one of the bad things about sleeping in late...you stay up way too late. AND Jeryca is now in the middle of my bed, so I'm not exactly sure where I'm supposed to sleep if I even tried to lay down. Oh well. I suppose I could just stay up all night. Why not? I've done it before. :)

No, I'll probably crash here in a little bit, I just decided that I needed to blog. Because I've already won a game of solitaire, sent a few people bumper stickers on facebook, checked myspace and facebook and found that no one else was online, walked down to the bathroom and ran into my big, went to my big's room and talked to her, turned off my tv because the movie finished that I didn't watch a single bit of. Yay! 

See, productive day. I'm very proud of myself, and you should be too. You=the people who read my blog=Alex and my Dad. :)

So, that was a little shout out to Alex and my Dad. 

Which I guess that really doesn't matter considering that they are the only people that read my blog. 

I hope I made that clear. 

Ok. Good. 

Gonna find something else to cure my boredom now. 

Peace, Love, & DDPs!

I'm not what you've been dreamin of

I get in a "debbie downer" mood too quickly. The second something makes me sad I feel like the world is ending. It's not fun. I wish I wasn't like this. But I'm not sure how to keep it from happening. Once one thing goes wrong I start thinking about everything that has or can go wrong and then it all goes downhill from there. 

I'm bored. I'm ALWAYS bored in Nac. Sure, we have little spurts of excitement, but then it's right back to boringville once again. I don't know if it's because I don't have enough friends or if it's because there's really not much to do or what. I mean I know I get bored at home too, but at least my friends will come and be bored with me. If we get bored here, my friends leave. I guess they think it's better to be bored alone than together. At home we like to be together even if we're bored. Maybe that's because we've known each other long enough that we can just be bored together and still think we had an eventful day. NOT here. If we do nothing together it was a waste of a day. And we'll express it too. I personally like "do-nothing" days. They're good once in a while. No, not all the time. But, they help cleanse the soul. Not sure where I'm heading with this. I guess I'm just homesick again. It happens when I don't go home every weekend. Maybe I need a pet. But you see, this stupid dorm will only let us have a bird or a fish, the two most "un-connectable" pets that you can have. I've had both, so I should know. If I had one of my cats here with me I would feel much better and at home. That would make this cold (and by cold I don't mean in temperature, I mean in looks) place seem more "home-y". I would also probably be much happier all the time. Nothing makes me happier than when one of my kitties crawls up into my lap when I'm having a bad day. 

Wanna know a fun fact? I've been to 6 proms...going to be 7 after this year. 7. SEVEN PROMS!!! I mean, I love to get dressed up and look like the princess I am, but sheesh, proms are so freaking boring. I've never had fun at a prom. After and before, sometimes...but during. No. B-O-R-I-N-G! Oh well, at least this time I don't have to pay for a new dress and hopefully Chase will think it's boring and we'll leave not long after it starts. I don't dance in big dresses I suppose. Idk. Maybe I'm just in a complaining mood. 

BORED!!!!!

Maybe I'll fall off Allison's bed again...

i love jalapenos...

...but somebody should have told me not to eat so many for breakfast. I feel terrible all day afterwards. 

So, some of my friends from VV are coming up to see me this weekend and I'm pretty excited about that. I had a rough weekend, so it will totally lift my spirits! 

I don't have much to blog about, I only do it because my dad gets onto me if I don't. 

So...maybe I'll have something to talk about later tonight!!!

Ashton Kutcher can have my babies any day.

My lovely roommate has two seasons of That 70s Show and I'm loving it. I've probably seen most of the episodes already, but it's probably one of the funniest shows ever. Ever. Basically. 

So, we rearranged our room. We put Allison's bed on top of mine and pushed the dressers to the other side of the room. We cleaned it all. All we need to do is sweep...but that means we have to go downstairs and borrow a broom. That takes a little more effort than we are willing to put out. But it's amazing. Our room is totally amazing. Amazing. Basically.

You know what I'm tired of? Tired of myspace surveys. Yes I know I do them allllll the time, but that's because I like answering questions about myself. I am getting annoyed with the questions, they are the same thing over and over and over again. Let me answer a few of them right now. 

My name is Jordan. I'm 18. I have three cats, two dogs, two turtles, and seven fish (last time I checked). I love my cats. That's my favorite kind of animal. My best friend is Jeryca. We've done a few illegal things together (that question always gets asked for some reason). My favorite movie is Gone With the Wind and I don't have a favorite TV show, I like way to many to pick just one. I love country music, and pink is my favorite color. I get along with my parents very well. Yes, I'm missing someone. I always miss people. (Why is that question always asked? If someone really misses someone why would they want to remember it?) I'm in college already, Stephen F. Austin if you didn't already know. Yes I have a sibling, a brother, 11, Trevor, and I've never ever ever had a crush on one of his friends. Gross. No, I am not wearing socks. (Seriously? Who thought of putting that question on a survey for the first time? Socks. Really?) I think that's enough. I think you get the point. Oh wait, no...I DON'T have a significant other and I haven't seen them naked (obviously, since I don't have one) and I don't love them (obviously, since I don't have one) and I don't think we'll be together forever (obviously, since I don't have one) and don't know their name or age or anything else...(OBVIOUSLY, SINCE I DON'T HAVE ONE!!!!!). 

OK?

Now that I've gotten that across I'm telling everyone that if I'm taking a survey and it says one thing about my significant other I'm stopping it right then and not taking it. It pisses me off. 

Seriously, just go ahead and make the single girl want to jump off a building. Thanks. 

Now, back to That 70s Show. 

If we are the body

So today was a great day.
Woke up really late, which if you know me, is always a great thing, and a very common thing.
Then I got ready and attended Poly Sci. I'm usually not too happy to attend this class, but today we were only watching a movie. And not just any movie. Thank You For Smoking. A very good movie about an amazing lobbyist for a tabacco company. Great movie. I own it actually and have never watched it. I will be watching it again when I get home next.
Then the rest of the day was a blur only because Stevie and I couldn't wait for the Casting Crowns concert.
OMG.
Amazing.
It was a great night of praise and worship through the wonderful voices of the members of Casting Crowns. I can truly say that I was moved tonight in a way that I haven't been moved through the Lord before. I've heard all of their songs, but live and in person was more amazing than I can express in words. I can relate to so many of their songs that when Mark was singing on stage I felt tears swell up in my eyes, knowing the pain that so many people have felt.
A truly remarkable experience.
If you've never been to a Christian concert let me let you in on a little thing they all do. They all support WorldVision. WorldVision is a great organization that provides orphans with money and water and an education. When my family and I attended the Mark Schultz and Big Daddy Weave concert last year we adopted a little girl named Tiara. This time around when I told my mom that they had the WorldVision people there again she made it loud and clear that I was NOT TO ADOPT ANOTHER LITTLE KID. It is so hard not to take all their little pictures home and send them all money. If you feel that you should help some of these kids in Africa or India or other 3rd world countries please go to WorldVision.com and sponsor a child. You really can make a difference in their life.

Anyway, so it was a wonderful night! Now I'm in the student center with Stevie, Marie, and Jared just chilling at the computers. It's a place we can all get together and all be on a computer. Since FaceBook is what keeps us together anyway...even when we're sitting right next to each other.

i'm gonna go to sleep...promise

But first I have to blog. I haven't done it in a while. 

So today was April Fool's day. Usually Trevor's favorite holiday. I wasn't home for him to get me, so my day was not as great as it usually is. But Kevin and Jeryca both did try to get me, over text and phone call. Kevin told me that there was a rumor about me being pregnant. That one I believed because people are stupid and would start a rumor like that about me. Luckily it was a lie...and I'm not pregnant. Jeryca tried to say that she and a couple of my other friends got kicked out of the movie theatre. Ha. She thought she could get me. She couldn't. I didn't believe one bit of it. Hehe. I didn't get anyone though. I can't commit to an idea and run with it. Jeryca says it's because I'm lame. I'm not lame am I?

Anyway. I just got done with another great artsy project. This time I tackled mine and Allison's door with hot glue and hot guys. The result is fantastic. I'll post a pic on facebook tomorrow, promise. Or you can stop by my room to check it out. Amazing. Seriously. 

My room is a complete wreck and I really need to clean it, but I keep finding other things to do. Like sit on facebook or blog. 

Tomorrow is Wednesday. I don't really want Wednesday to be here. I really would rather it just skip to Thursday. Thursday=Casting Crowns Concert! I'm so super excited. Stevie and I are going to have a wonderful time loving God and singing. 

I have half of my proposal and annotated bibliography for english due on Friday at noon and I still have no idea what kind of topic to write about. If you have any ideas please let me know. It can be about anything really. We just have to prove something that isn't a fact. I've thought about maybe something on weight issues or something on why the heck Diet Dr. Pepper is so addictive. 

Speaking of Diet Dr. Pepper...The other day we (Mom, Dad, Trevor, and yours truly) were in WalMart getting some things. My list contained coffee, coffee filters, kleenex, AAA batteries and Diet Dr. Pepper, which I thought was not too much to ask for. My parents buy me everything on my list but when I go to get my DDPs my dad tells me that I don't need them, that I can drink water. Um...no. DDPs are my life. Ok, maybe not my life, but I need them to survive. So, since my parents are practically cutting me off of DDPs since they won't buy me any and they are the ones that have to give me money in order to buy them, I am only getting some when I go to the cafeteria. And the people in the cafeteria won't let me fill up a huge jug of it and bring it back to my room. I don't know why. Gosh. A girl just wants to live here. 

*sigh*

My TR english class was cancelled all this week due to us having conferences with the professor instead. Mine is Friday, that's why my paper is due Friday. Also, in Com 101 today my professor informed us that our Thursday class has been cancelled and that everything is going to be moved back a day. That means that our Tuesday test has been moved until the 10th. Sometimes God loves me. :)

I had a great weekend. I went home on Thursday and went straight to play practice where my family was. Scared Mom because she didn't think that I was coming into town until Friday. Then we had Pizza and Wings at Pizza Hut/Wing Street (half the reason that I went home in the first place). Great day. Then on Friday I woke up pretty late (always a good thing), then cleaned a little bit of the house, picked my brother up from school, took him to meet my Uncle Brett so he could go camping, and then went with Jeryca to my first Astro's game of the year. Great Day. Then on Saturday I attended the District 27AA One Act Play competition. Only as an audience member. Part of the day I found this sorta sad, I really do miss acting. But, my old alma mater advanced without me. I'm not going to lie, I thought this year that they weren't going to have too much going for them, but they really are a talented bunch of actors. They were by far the greatest play there. Earning 4 superlatives along with their advancement onto the Area One Act competition in Industrial this Saturday. After the competition I went back home where, after their movie in Lake Jackson, Rene', Kevin, and Justin met me. We watched Sideways and had a great time, like always. Great day. On Sunday I woke up late and did pretty much nothing. Then that night we went to El Chico and I saw my buddies and ate great food. Great Day. So see, great weekend. :)

So, last summer I bought some lotion stuff that you're supposed to put on over night and it makes you tan. It actually worked and I've used it a few times before. Now I'm trying it again. I'll tell you tomorrow if I look darker. I hope so. I'm tired of being so white. Really. Sometimes it's embarrassing to be this white. 

You know what I'm sick of? Zits. Pimples. Blemishes. Whatever else you may want to call them. I call them ugliness on my beautiful face! I've never had bad acne. Then I get here in college and BOOM! they decide to ruin my life. It's really not nice. Not nice at all. Argh. 

Ok, well it's 2:25 AM so I should probably go to sleep since I have to be up so early tomorrow to make it to my shift at the Welcome Center by 1PM. 

I don't go home too much...

I know that many of yall think that I go home to much. And yall voice it very often. Well, I'm too nice to confront yall to yall's faces, so I'm going to just address it over a blog. 

I'm sick and tired of everyone telling me I go home too much. Even if it was true, you don't have to tell me every single day. 

Just stop. 

I have a life at home and a life at college. I can't just drop my home life for everything in Nacogdoches. I can't. I'm proud of you if you can, but I don't have that capability. I have a life that I really care about back home. I love being around my family. We're a very close family. We watch all the same TV shows, we play cards together, and we're one of those families that sits down and eats a meal all at the same time. I don't like going without that. 

I love my friends back home. I've known them my whole life. We're all really close. They are my backbone. I need them. 

I have things that I still need to do there. I had to work the rodeo a few weeks back, I had to help my grandpa with his election. Those things that mean a whole lot more to me than this college. I would never let my friends and family back home down. Never. They are my life. 

Now don't get me wrong. I love each and every one of yall up here in Nacogdoches, but you need to understand that I haven't even known yall a year and I've known all the people in Van Vleck for 18 years. It's a big difference. 

I know you may think that I'll never be able to move on if I'm home every weekend. Well, I really don't plan on moving on. I plan on getting my degree ASAP and moving back down there. So, there really is no reason for me to even try to really move on. 

Now for the people who tell me that I'm not going to find a man if I keep going back home, and that if I just stayed in Nac more I'd find someone. That's just (excuse my french) bullshit. God has a man in the works for me. I will find him when I find him, it doesn't have anything to do with where I am. 

Let me set yall straight about something else while I'm on this soap box. I'm not a party girl. I don't like going out to wild parties. When I party and socialize I like to hang out with a few close friends and have a good time. I don't like to get drunk and wander home at a really late hour and then not remember what I did in the morning. Don't get mad when I don't want to go out. It's not me. I like to stay in my dorm and watch movies. I like to play board games. I like to just chill and not have to get all dressed up. That's me. 

So, if you think I go home to much. Good. Talk about it amongst yourself, just don't tell me anymore. I will probably start going off on people. The truth is I probably do go home "too much", but that's who I am. I'm a home girl. That's why I came to a college that's close enough for me to go home. I would have gone to Brazosport but I just didn't. I thought I was ready to move on. I've learned differently. And now that I'm here I'm going to stick it out and not give up. And I'm going to do it my way, not the way you think I should. 

Just to see you smile

...I'd do anything that you wanted me to...

^My favorite Tim McGraw song...that I'm listening to now^

I had a horrible dream. Not going to write the whole thing, but it involved my family and a friend's parents and a guy with a gun shooting everyone but Trevor and me. It was crazy scary and I was really scared to walk down the hallway to the bathroom after I woke up. 

Speaking up waking up...I slept from 3:30 PM to 1:30 AM...it was great. Allison said that I rolled over and said a few things to her, but I really don't remember them. Then I went back to sleep about 2:30 and woke back up for real at 10:45 when Allison got back from class. So, I'll probably be up for a very long time. 

I'm tired of guys. I'm not looking for a relationship anymore. I'm just going to have a fun time in life and not worry about it. It takes up too much time in my life and just makes me sad. So, now it's time for HAPPY JORDAN...not caring about boys. YAY!

:) well...I'm off to my dorm to do math homework before math class at 3.

Starting to feel the repercussions...

Pulling an all-nighter sounds so much fun, and mature, and like the cool thing to do right up until the next day when you are trying to handle three strenuous classes back to back. That is just about the point when you are ready to fall down right where you stand and hope to God that nobody steps on you. 

If you didn't read my last blog, I have no been up since 10:30 AM yesterday. Yes, it seemed like a smart idea at the time, but now I am really not liking my decision. 

In some ways it was good. I got my whole room cleaned. I got my laundry done. I finished my essay. I read a chapter in my mass communications book. I made a huge collage of all my new york pictures. I even rearranged a few pics on my wall. 

So, I guess in the long run it was a good idea, because I usually never have time to do any of those things. 

I guess putting off sleep for one night is just what I'm going to have to do every now and again. 

But as of right now (sitting outside the classroom for my last class of the day) I feel like if I closed my eyes I wouldn't wake up until about noon tomorrow. Which is probably exactly what I'll do when I get back to my room about 3:20. I hope nobody has any plans for me this evening because I will NOT be budging. Not one inch. I will love and cherish my bed for a very long time. 

Ok, now time for class. 

Learning! Yay!

Not So Good At This All-Nighter Thing

...I really want to go to sleep. I love sleep. So why did I decide to pull an all-nighter? I'm not sure. I guess because I wanted to clean my room, write my essay, read a chapter in my COM 101 book, and make a collage of all my New York pictures in one night. Maybe it's just because I'm an idiot. I'm not exactly sure. But here I am, 4:31 AM, done with my essay and cleaning my room. Now all I need to do is read and then waste some time until I have to leave for my 7AM meeting. I'm going to be really tired tomorrow, but I just figured I would push through it until 3 and then I could nap as long as I wanted to. 

I'm really looking forward to Friday. Going to my first Astro's game of the year, and it's with my best friend. Jeryca's dad won tickets at work and asked Jeryca if she wanted them and of course my best friend is very thoughtful and loves me to death, so she got them for me. :) It's going to be great. Section 133, Row 4, Seats 5 and 6. It's going to be like the rodeo...only baseball instead of bull riding...and without the awesome Rascal Flatts part. But Brad will be there, so it will be great. Go to my Myspace or Facebook next week for awesome pics of that day. 

Saturday is the One Act Play competition. I don't know how I feel about it. I know I will probably cry because I miss acting so much, but I'm just going to have to suck it up. I'm really looking forward to actually getting to sit and watch all the plays though. Plus I get to see all my friends from the other schools. 

It's going to be a great weekend. :)

But I still have to get through this week.

Tuesday: Classes, sleep, homework, more sleep.  

Wednesday: Work in Welcome Center, class, Bible study, sleep. 

Thursday: Classes, sleep. 

Friday: Drive home...

Then you know the rest. 

Guess I should stop blogging and start reading. 

Maybe I can pull my hair up

So I had a great night. We went to the tattoo place with Alex so she could get her first tattoo and it was taking a super long time. So we went to Raising Canes and got chicken, which is always great. There were four of us packed into my three seater truck (Jeryca, Allison, Maire, and Me) while we were driving and when we had to stop at a red light there was a cop in the parking lot next to us. We all freak out because we just knew that we were going to get in trouble for having too many people in my truck. I told everyone not to make any sudden movements because I figured that if the cop wasn't already watching, he wouldn't notice anything. Well Allison told Marie to just lay in my lap and Marie says, "Maybe I can just pull my hair up". She meant that she would look like a guy giving me a blow-j...but that made no sense. So, it made us all giggle for a very long time. We were all pretty sure that we were going to pee our pants. Luckily we didn't. 

Then we went to Jenna's, watched friends, and had a blast. 

Now we're home and going to sleep. 

Love my life. 

The Songs of My Life

The Favorite:

Free Fallin'-Tom Petty

"Gonna free fall out into nothing, gonna leave this world for a while"

Life Now:

I'm Movin' On-Rascal Flatts

"At last I can see, life has been patiently waiting for me"

Dancing Song:

Tambourine- Eve

"Pop dem bottles and drink that up"

My Daddy Songs:

Ready, Set, Don't Go-Billy Ray and Miley Ray Cyrus

"She's got dreams too big for this town and she needs to give em a shot"

My Little Girl-Tim McGraw

"You're beautiful baby from the outside in"

Butterfly Kisses-Bob Carlisle

"There's two things in life I know for sure, she was sent here from heaven and she's daddy's little girl"

Cinderella-Steven Curtis Chapman

"There's a ball at the castle and I've been invited and I need to practice my dancing"

My Mommy Songs:

Somebody's Hero-Jamie O'Neal

"Given all her life to her was her life's ambition"

Don't Forget to Remember Me-Carrie Underwood

"18 years have come and gone, for momma they flew by, but for me they drug on and on"

Wind Beneath My Wings-Bette Midler

"Did you ever know that you're my hero, and everything I'd like to be"

Brother and Sister Song:

Me and My Gang-Rascal Flatts

"It's a brother and a sister kinda thing, raise up your hands if you all wanna hang with me and my gang"

When I just want to cry:

Tonight I Wanna Cry-Keith Urban

"Alone in the house again tonight"

Helped me through a lot:

Pieces-Rascal Flatts

"To some degree I still regret my memory for keeping you around"

Heartbreak:

It Would Be You-Gary Allan

"It's hard describing a heartache, oh cuz it's a one of a kind thing"

Best Lyrics Ever:

Hotel California-The Eagles

"You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave"

Rap Song Must Have:

Watch My Shoes-3 Deep

"Do what cha do, just watch my shoes"

Songs to sing:

Son Of A Preacher Man-Dusty Springfield

"Being good isn't always easy, no matter how hard I try"

Respect-Aretha Franklin

"What you want, baby I got it"

Upgrade U-Beyonce'

"I can do for you what Martin did for the people, ran by the men but the women keep the tempo"

Best Two Stepping Song:

Neon Moon-Brooks and Dunn

"If you lose your one and only there's always room here for the lonely"

Can always take me back:

Everybody-Backstreet Boys

"Oh my God we're back again"

From The Bottom Of My Broken Heart-Britney Spears

"You were my real love, I never knew love till there was you"

Spice Up Your Life-Spice Girls

"People of the world, Spice up your life"

When I want to remember him: (This one has a lot)

Don't Break My Heart Again-Pat Green

"You can let your heart go, but I will hunt ya down"

Brokenheartsville-Joe Nichols

"He wore that cowboy hat to cover up his horns"

Everclear-Roger Creager

"I took her home and rang the doorbell, left her layin in the yard"

What Hurts The Most-Rascal Flatts

"What hurts the most is being so close and having so much to say and watching you walk away"

Better Now-Rascal Flatts

"If I had one call to make I would dial yesterday and warn myself"

Where Were You-Clay Walker

"I used to wake up nights callin' out your name and cry myself back to sleep knowing I'd only dreamed"

Lot Or Leavin' Left To Do-Dierks Bentley

"These old boots still got a lotta ground they ain't covered yet"

Rodeo-Garth Brooks

"She'd give half of Texas just to change the way he feels"

Yesterday's Rain-Gary Allan

"Sometimes I think about the touch of your skin, the taste of your lips and it all comes rushing back again"

You Can't Make A Heart Love Somebody-George Strait

"You can't make a heart love somebody, you can tell it what to do, but it won't listen at all"

Something I Never Had-Lindsay Lohan

"Were they wasted words and did they mean a thing"

Others that I just love:

Autobiography-Ashlee Simpson

"You want my history, what others tell you won't be true"

Cyclone-Baby Bash

"She moves her body like a cyclone"

Copacabana-Barry Manilow

"Her name was Lola, she was a show girl with yellow feathers in her hair and her dress cut down to there"

More to come, but I just realized that it's 3 AM and I have to drive back to Nac in the morning!!!