Introduction

I’ve always thought of my life as the biggest movie of all time and myself as the tortured, hopeless-romantic, damsel-in-distress waiting for her prince charming to come make everything make sense. Of course, in my head prince charming looks a lot like Matt Damon, sings like Michael Buble’, and treats me like Tom Hanks treated Meg Ryan in every movie ever.
In reality I’ve just kissed a lot of frogs, more than I’d like to admit.
My first boyfriend and I had the makings of a storybook romance. Third grade boy meets third grade girl and they chase each other around on the playground and then they stick together through all the tough times of fourth and fifth grade. He buys her necklaces, she buys him cologne, they have a million chaperoned “dates”. Then one day at lunch during sixth grade the boy (oh who am I kidding...) Andrew sits with another table full of girls. A week goes by and we stay separate during lunch every day. (Lunch was always the cruelest part of the day in Jr. High). One day two girls turned around to me and said, “Andrew doesn’t want to be your boyfriend anymore.” I was so shocked. We’d spent three wonderful years together and it was over just like that? I was devastated. I barely made it off the school bus before I burst into tears and ran into my mom’s arms.
That was my first encounter with boys being complete jerks.
Over the years things just got worse.
Later on in my sixth grade year I fell in love with an older man, an seventh grader. He had band the period before I did so every day my best friend, Shanna, and I would wait outside the band hall for him to walk past and when he did we would giggle and blush all the way to our seats. One day I even said hi, and of course the giggles came harder. Looking back now I realize that 11 year old Jordan had no game (not that 21 year old Jordan really does either). Being in a small school, everyone knew of my obsession and it became a sort of joke. At the Valentine’s dance that year my friends got him to slow dance with me to Selena’s “Dreaming of You”. I was in heaven, but after that he rarely gave me the time of day. I pined over him for two years. When he graduated from Jr. High, so did I, I began dating a Sophomore in high school. Today he’s happily dating my old best friend Shanna. Funny how those things happen.
These days I wouldn’t call him a jerk, but back then I thought the fact that he wouldn’t date me was the worst thing in the world and I cried myself to sleep many nights. I don’t know how many times I’ve thought the worst thing possible was happening to me, but I think that’s one of the biggest things you have to know about me, I’m a bit over dramatic.
Back to that Sophomore. His name was Clint and he was one of my mom’s actors in the play “Hillbilly Hankerin”. He and I hit it off pretty quickly and he had a truck, so I thought I was set for life. We started dating in December and things went south in May. After 5 months and 11 days it ended with me saying over the phone, “Now don’t you go and tell your little friends that you broke up with me because I’m clearly breaking up with you”. (I thought I was feisty for a 13 year old.) After that I ran into the living room, into my mother’s arms, bawling. Even though I’d claimed I did the breaking, I blamed it all on him.
I know, still a bit over dramatic, but 13 year old me swore up and down that no guy was ever going to date her ever again. Luckily (or not) for me a few have since then.
This brings us to the beginning of the core of my story. This is also the beginning of my high school years.
As I mentioned before, I was in band. I played the the flute and couldn’t wait to march with the Mighty Leopard Band at Van Vleck High School. The band begins marching practice during the summer before school actually starts, so I had to opportunity to meet a few upperclassmen before I had to walk through the front doors of the school for the first time. Since this is where my “movie life” begins, let me paint the picture for you.
The scene is set in a small band hall: beige walls, dirty white tiles, black chairs and instrument cases strewn around carelessly. Students milling about reuniting with friends they hadn’t seen all summer long. There’s an old raggedy couch along one of the walls with seniors sprawled across it, clearly marking their territory and young freshmen hanging around them, trying to get noticed. A few over-achievers are already putting their instruments together, talking about music they’d like to play for contest, and then actually playing a few songs from past years.
Amongst all this is me. Even though I had a lot of friends growing up, I was always a shy girl and never liked to walk into places alone. I can’t quite remember how I arrived at the band hall that summer morning, it all blurred together once I saw him.

Stand Still, Look Pretty

Stand by for important words from Jordan after this short song lyric break.
:)

I want to paint my face
And pretend that I am someone else
Sometimes I get so fed up
I don't even want to look at myself

But people have problems that are worse than mine
I don't want you to think I'm complaining all the time
And I hate the way you look at me I have to say
I wish I could start over

I am slowly falling apart
I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start
You might think it's easy being me
You just stand still, look pretty

Sometimes I find myself shaking
In the middle of the night
And then it hits me and I can't
Even believe this is my life

But people have problems that are worse than mine
I don't want you to think I'm complaining all the time
And I wish that everyone would go and shut their mouths
I'm not strong enough to deal with it

I am slowly falling apart
I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start
You might think it's easy being me
You just stand still, look pretty

-------

Now while I didn't write that song, I can relate to it in every way possible.
Sorry it's been so long that I've blogged. I wish I could say that it's because I've been incredibly busy, but I really haven't. I mean, I've started a new semester of college, I go to work a few times a week, but that's about it. Other than that I watch tv and just hang out with friends. I've just been trying to re-analyze my life. I'm tired of the way I look at myself and portray myself to others. I feel that I always talk about how much I don't like my life, how sad I am. Well even if I am sad about things at times, I'm living my life. I'm happy on the normal day to day.
They say you're supposed to discover yourself sometime in your life. I can tell you that I haven't discovered myself yet. I know what I, the 21 year old, wants out of life, but I don't know what I'm going to want 5, 10, 50 years down the road.
I'm sure things won't change drastically after a while, but I'm currently waiting for a "kick". You know like in "Inception", the slight jerk or fall that makes them wake up from the dream. Of course this is more of a blur than a dream.
I feel that at this young of an age I shouldn't consider my life a blur. I'm not sure that anyone should ever consider their life a blur. We all only get one life. You should document every day and cherish every thing you do. You'll never, ever have another January 27, 2011. Ever. That day is gone. Forever.

So here's what I did today:
Woke up at 9am. Ok, my alarm went off at 9am, I rolled out around 9:35am after a few rounds with the snooze button. Showered, got dressed, grabbed a redbull and headed to my first class. As I sat in Convention and Meeting Planning, not texting on my phone (the teacher said she will take it up high school style if she catches us), I planned out a centerpiece for a table at the VV Senior Serve. One of mom's students asked her to help with his table, and since I'm the "party planner" of the family, I get the task. I'm really happy about it though because this is the sort of thing that I love.
After that I left class and called and talked to my parents for a bit as they packed for the convention they are attending this weekend (TETA). I then dropped Truckie off at WalMart to get his oil changed and I moseyed around the store while I waited. Decided to buy the "Steel Magnolia" cd because I'm a fan of their first song, and thought it would be handy to sing along with in the car. Man was I right! When I got back in Truckie and popped the new cd in I was very happy with my decision. After that I made another decision: to eat lunch at a restaurant alone. Shocking, I know. But I did it. Had nachos at Posados all by my lonesome. It was refreshing actually. Spent a little more than I wanted to, but I enjoyed it. After dropping the leftovers back off at home I walked around Hobby Lobby for a while, just browsing. Promise. I then had the best idea I think I've had all month. I was going to vacuum Truckie out and run him through the car wash.
Let me tell you, I felt like the coolest person in the world doing this all by myself. I just imagined every guy that drove by me while I was doing this was thinking, "wow, that girl really knows how to take care of her truck. I need to give her my number". Of course no one did, but it helped me work. My new cd helped me work as well. And it didn't hurt that it was one of the most beautiful days I've seen in years. I had planned on running Truckie through the plain ole' Laserwash, but when I drove up the machine wouldn't take my money so I drove across town to the new "Zippy's Express Wash" and let him ride the conveyor belt through one of those really cool long "ride-thru" car washes. Man, after an oil change, a clean out, a vacuum, and a 5-star washing Truckie was on cloud 9!
After my grand adventure around town I settled down for a bit and went to my evening class for a little over an hour then hit up the sushi place with Stevie around 6. After sushi we watched an episode of Dexter then ran to the redbox to rent "The Kids Are All Right" and into Kroger to get some ice cream. I was disappointed in Kroger because they weren't carrying the brand of Vanilla Bean that I usually get. I ended up trying something new that was called "Madagascar Vanilla Bean". I'm not sure why these vanilla beans were from Madagascar but it set Stevie and me talking about the film and we decided she's the Hippo and I'm the Zebra. For obvious reasons...to us, that is.
While watching the Oscar nominated movie, (Yes, that's the reason we grabbed it. Trying to watch all the best picture nominees before the awards) the lesbian couple call each other by the pet names "chicken" and "pony", so naturally Stevie and I assign names to each other, she "pony" and I "chicken". We then decided to change our phones to our new names so when we call or text each other we will see our pet names. But as we did this we thought of other girl couples that we've assigned to each other. I ended up changing her name to "Pony/Ellen/Ellie" (Ellen DeGeneres and Ellie from Cougar Town) and she changed me to "Chicken/Portia/Jules" (Portia, Ellen's wife and Jules, Ellie's bff in Cougar Town. Needless to say, we were very proud of ourselves.
After the movie we watched two more episodes of Dexter and are now in bed. Pony/Ellen/Ellie is luckily asleep and I am here telling no one the story of my very full, very tiring day.
So good sir, or lovely lady, if you have read this entire blog, God bless you and yours.
Come back any random day where I just might document something worth reading.
Cheers!

One of the best men who will ever walk this earth

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I love this man.
He sings the songs that get me through the day.
Gary Allan is my rock.