I'm not going to open this blog with a lot of nonsense talk. I'm going to get straight to the point.
I think I push my friends away.
I don't try to. I love my friends. But my friends are always changing. I mean, I have a lot of the same friends as I've always had. But the statuses of my relationships change.
I've always dreamed of a fairy tale life where you grow up with one person and they're your best friend and they're yours...but that just hasn't happened for me...and there's nothing I can do about it. It seems that every time I label someone as my "best friend" I end up pushing them away somehow.
Here is my friend cycle: Friend. Close friend. Best Friend. Close Friend. Friend. And who are you?
On a different, yet same, note...I found out rather recently that nobody was a huge fan of mine in high school. I know that that's in the past and that high school kids are immature and tacky like that, but I do have feelings and it still hurt. Just knowing that part of my life was a lie. That I spent my time trying to impress and be there for people that didn't care about me the way I cared about them.
So that leads me to believe that maybe at some point I was their friend, and they did like me...but maybe I just pushed them away.
I don't know what leads to this. Maybe I'm afraid of someone hurting me first, so I try to make the first move. I don't think that's correct because I hate hurting people. If I know that I'm hurting someone I try to stop it or make up for it. Or maybe it's just because I'm a bad person. I wasn't raised to be a bad person...and I really don't think I am, but I'm not sure there is another explanation for what is happening.
Basically I spend all of my time outside of class with Kevin. I love that. Really I do. The reason I am in a relationship with Kevin is because I do want to spend the rest of my life with him. But it seems that my friends don't like hanging out with "Jordan and Kevin" all the time.
That leads me to my next point.
How do you decide how much time is the right amount of time to spend with your friends vs the time you spend with your significant other?
I really don't know. Like I said, I love spending all of my time with Kevin. But I know my friends want their Jordan back. That's pretty much all there is to say on that topic.
Basically the same thing though...how do you handle your friends that aren't friends with each other? I'm already having to spread my time out between friends and boyfriend...how much else am I expected to do? Part of me wants to tell my friends that they can get over it and spend time together if they want to see me. But then the other part of me just wants to please everyone and try to spend time with every single person individually.
I bring all of this up because I have realized lately that some of my friends don't want to hang out with me as much. And if they don't express it, they just don't talk to me as much. I don't want this to seem like a "pity blog"...it's just what's on my mind lately.
All in all...I'm glad I'm in a relationship. Because if I wasn't, I'm sure I would die a crazy old cat lady.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Been on my mind...
As you may know going to movies is one of my favorite things in the entire world. I like just watching movies at home as well, but actually getting dressed and putting on make up and going to the theatre and paying a million dollars to see a brand new movie just makes me a happy camper. This is what I expect when I go to the cinema. I expect to arrive at the theatre and walk into a nice place where everyone is in their respective lines getting their tickets and popcorn. I expect to pay too much for my tickets, too much for my concessions, and then have to sit in a seat that is too small for my round bottom. While I am sitting in that uncomfortable seat I expect to be surrounded by other excited movie-goers that are ready to enjoy the next two hours of entertainment with me. When the lights dim I expect to be left in a silence so quiet that I can hear my fellow companions breathe in the anticipation for the previews to start. When the previews do get rolling I expect everyone to watch them as if they've never seen them before. Even though I see most previews about 10 times before the movie comes out, there could be someone in that theatre that is just now getting the oppurtunity to see the trailer for the first time. After I hear about the coming attractions I expect the silence to continue through out the entirity of the feature film. Not to say that I don't expect laughs when they are meant to be had, sniffles when they are prompted, and screams when they are extracted, that's supposed to happen if a movie is good enough to deserve them. After the movie is finished I expect everyone to pause for a little bit, take in the film, and then discuss it on their way out to their rides, taking their trash with them.
What I get is another thing entirely.
When I arrive I am greeted by a million children screaming profanities at each other, wearing things that I wouldn't catch a hooker in, with no parent in sight. After a few minutes of trying to figure out if the short, annoying people are actually in line or just gossiping about what Jill and John did last night, I get to buy my tickets. (The ticket prices are one of the things that are expected that actually occur.) My party and I weave in and out of all the kids throwing popcorn around the lobby and get into our assigned theatre. After we sit, waiting for the show to begin, we are surrounded by people that look like they really don't want to be there, like they had better things to do with their Friday nights. After the theatre is filled and the movie is about to start the crowd is pretty unruly, you couldn't hear a lion roar if you had hearing aides. When the previews begin the sound rarely ever quiets down. This annoys me, and I know a lot of people who agree with me, because the previews do happen to be one of the best parts of the movie going experience. But, you know, it's just the previews, I didn't pay for that. So I wait for the feature to start. Once it does, you do still hear a few whispers and giggles for a while. If everything else that had happened wasn't bad enough, you get a group of about 5-8 pre-teens "movie-hopping" into your movie 45 minutes after it started. And they don't come in quietly. Lord no. They come in sounding like a heard of cattle, mooing all the way. After 20 or so minutes, half of them decide they want to see something else and they leave with their tails behind them. Also, no matter how many signs say to "silence your cell phone" there is always a rap song that starts playing in the back of the theatre that you know doesn't belong in the middle of the drama that you are watching. Depending on the age group that is watching the movie, I always hear laughs at the wrong part. I don't know if some people just don't know what funny is, but before they go to a dramatic movie about a mother losing her son they need to figure it out. After the movie is over I continue to take in my surroundings as others jump over the seats, yelling to their friends, and leaving their trash behind on the floor for someone else to pick up.
Recently I went with a couple of my friends to see the Angelina Jolie movie Changeling. She is nominated for Best Actress for this movie so I figured it would be a great movie, and I was correct. The movie was amazing. The only problem was that I watched it at a college movie theatre. You wouldn't think that college students could be that rude. I wouldn't think it. If you walked into that movie theatre while that movie was going on you would have thought that there were elementary students scattered in the crowd. Everytime Ms. Jolie got emotional and yelled, I stiffled tears, but the immature kids around me laughed. When a character did something triumphant there was cheering, whistling, and clapping in the crowd. I'm sorry, but they can't hear you. I can. And it's ruining my experience.
So please, if you are one of the people that like to ruin movie-goer's times, take my word to heart and please stop. The theatre is not a football game, it is a place of art that is meant to be enjoyed by everyone.
Plus, if we are paying that much to get in, we should get to at least hear the show.
What I get is another thing entirely.
When I arrive I am greeted by a million children screaming profanities at each other, wearing things that I wouldn't catch a hooker in, with no parent in sight. After a few minutes of trying to figure out if the short, annoying people are actually in line or just gossiping about what Jill and John did last night, I get to buy my tickets. (The ticket prices are one of the things that are expected that actually occur.) My party and I weave in and out of all the kids throwing popcorn around the lobby and get into our assigned theatre. After we sit, waiting for the show to begin, we are surrounded by people that look like they really don't want to be there, like they had better things to do with their Friday nights. After the theatre is filled and the movie is about to start the crowd is pretty unruly, you couldn't hear a lion roar if you had hearing aides. When the previews begin the sound rarely ever quiets down. This annoys me, and I know a lot of people who agree with me, because the previews do happen to be one of the best parts of the movie going experience. But, you know, it's just the previews, I didn't pay for that. So I wait for the feature to start. Once it does, you do still hear a few whispers and giggles for a while. If everything else that had happened wasn't bad enough, you get a group of about 5-8 pre-teens "movie-hopping" into your movie 45 minutes after it started. And they don't come in quietly. Lord no. They come in sounding like a heard of cattle, mooing all the way. After 20 or so minutes, half of them decide they want to see something else and they leave with their tails behind them. Also, no matter how many signs say to "silence your cell phone" there is always a rap song that starts playing in the back of the theatre that you know doesn't belong in the middle of the drama that you are watching. Depending on the age group that is watching the movie, I always hear laughs at the wrong part. I don't know if some people just don't know what funny is, but before they go to a dramatic movie about a mother losing her son they need to figure it out. After the movie is over I continue to take in my surroundings as others jump over the seats, yelling to their friends, and leaving their trash behind on the floor for someone else to pick up.
Recently I went with a couple of my friends to see the Angelina Jolie movie Changeling. She is nominated for Best Actress for this movie so I figured it would be a great movie, and I was correct. The movie was amazing. The only problem was that I watched it at a college movie theatre. You wouldn't think that college students could be that rude. I wouldn't think it. If you walked into that movie theatre while that movie was going on you would have thought that there were elementary students scattered in the crowd. Everytime Ms. Jolie got emotional and yelled, I stiffled tears, but the immature kids around me laughed. When a character did something triumphant there was cheering, whistling, and clapping in the crowd. I'm sorry, but they can't hear you. I can. And it's ruining my experience.
So please, if you are one of the people that like to ruin movie-goer's times, take my word to heart and please stop. The theatre is not a football game, it is a place of art that is meant to be enjoyed by everyone.
Plus, if we are paying that much to get in, we should get to at least hear the show.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
