My Memaw

My Memaw's memorial service was today and I stood up and read this. I thought that I would share it with the people that weren't able to make it to the service. Maybe if you didn't know my Memaw, this will give you a little insight to how great she was.


I’ve always considered myself a very lucky girl. Some people never get to know their grandparents. I’ve been lucky enough to live these 22 years of my life with six loving grandparents. I was Memaw’s first grandchild and even though I know she loved all 7 of us just as much as the other, I always thought we had a special bond. I owe a lot of myself to my Memaw. I not only got my long, slender fingers from her, but also my thin, impossible to hold a curl hair. She and I found a way around that curse though: a perm. I remember the first time she permed my hair. I thought my eyes were going to burn up due to the horrendous smell and chemicals floating around in the dining room. I was so happy with my bouncy locks that I let her do it a second time a few years later. Looking back now I’m not sure if it’s the curly hair I wanted, or just more one on one time with her.



I also got my love of a few things from Memaw: Elvis, Conway Twitty, Matthew McConaughey, and my papaw, Curtis Smith. I guess by a few things, I meant a few men.



One of my first crushes developed watching Nick at Nite every time I stayed the night at Memaw and Papaw’s house. Memaw and I would watch “Cheers” reruns and I thought Ted Danson was very cute and I always wanted to go somewhere were everyone knew my name and find my own Sam Malone. That’s another thing I can credit to Memaw, I can’t go to sleep without watching TV first.



I know Memaw hasn’t painted much in a very long time, but her artwork is still scattered all over my parents' house. When Christmas rolls around every year I hang up a painting of a little redheaded girl and Santa Claus that she painted my first Christmas. I’m very sad that I didn’t get any excellent painting skills from her, hopefully she passed them down to one of the grandchildren.



When I was in 8th grade I wrote a paper for a contest and won a scholarship for it. It was called “Is Freedom Really Free?”. If anyone has been in my Memaw’s kitchen they’ve seen this paper. When I had her read it for the first time she loved it so much that she asked me to sign it so she could hang it for the world to see. I don’t know if I was happier that I’d won a scholarship from the VFW or because my Memaw was so proud of my work.



Speaking of Memaw’s kitchen. She was one of the best cooks in the world. I know we all have our favorite dishes, but the one I’m going to miss the most is her enchiladas. Every year for my birthday Memaw would slave away to make this perfect dish. That was a great thing about Memaw, she always let us choose our birthday dishes. This year for my 22nd birthday she told me that she was sorry, but she just wasn’t going to do it. I was sad, but I didn’t want to pressure her into it, I knew how long it took and I should just be happy that she was cooking me anything at all. When I walked into the kitchen the day of my birthday lunch there they were. Pans and pans of cheese, beef, and, my favorite, chicken enchiladas, a big bowl of guacamole, and homemade tortilla chips. I didn’t tell Memaw then, and I hate to rat my mom out now, but Mom had told me the day before that Memaw was making the enchiladas. She was going over to help Memaw prepare everything and let it slip why she was going over there. I acted surprised nonetheless and everything was wonderful. I have the recipe for her enchiladas, but I know they will never be the same.



One of my brother’s favorite memories also involves the kitchen. But it was Memaw teaching him how to cook Spam. If I’m being honest, that was one of my favorite things she would make us too. No one can fry a piece of Spam like Memaw can. Another one of Trevor’s favorite things about Memaw was how kind she was. For example anytime that he and Christian would stay over they’d ask her after Papaw went to sleep if they could build a fort. She would always let them and would even deliver their drinks and snacks to their fort.



Every time I've walked into the kitchen the past few days I've expected to see her standing at the kitchen sink or my the stove. When I pull out my cell phone at the kitchen table I hear her tell me to put it away. And I know when Christmas comes around I'm going to be looking for her everywhere I turn. My Memaw was an amazing grandmother and friend. I will miss everything about her and I know that everyone else here will too.

One-eyed hobo

Have you ever wanted to impress someone so much that you don’t think it will ever be possible? It’s rather infuriating. The person just seems so out of reach, so out of your league, that you don’t think there’s anything you could ever do to make them go, “Wow. I want to spend more time with you”.
I think I’m a pretty interesting person, but I feel like I have a hard time conveying that to others. Most people probably see me as pretty shallow, but I have more to me. (I promise I do!) So why can’t I express all the other sides of Jordan Lea Smith to the people who seem exceptionally better than me?
I try to tell myself that these other people don’t have anything over me, that they’re just normal human beings like me, but it never fails that they will do or say something that makes me feel like an illiterate, one-eyed, hobo from a third world country. (I know that may be pushing it, but you get my point.)
So I have two options here: I can either, A) find ways to grow and better myself as an individual each and every day and hope to one day be successful and cultured enough to impress the person that I want to impress or B) try to accept me for who I am and stop trying to impress other people because in the end, people should accept me for who I am as well.
Or maybe even a combination of the two.

Falling

I feel like I’m falling. Falling into the black abyss with no knowledge of when I’m going to land. Or what I’m going to land on. I may keep on falling forever. For all of eternity.

Why isn’t there anyone catching me? Where is everyone?

Last time I was on solid ground there were millions of people around. Now as I fall down this hole no arms are reaching for me.

I feel like I’m falling.
Head over heels.
Heels over head.
Spinning and turning.
Swirling and spiraling.

Quick rant.

Why do I let people take advantage of me? Do I have a sign over my head that says "Hey everyone! Walk all over me! I love it!"? If so I need to figure out how to take it down because I really don't enjoy it. I do love being a nice person and I do love doing things for other people, but there is a point where enough is enough. Just once I'd like other people to do things for me. To think of me before themselves.
I always thought that you were supposed to treat people the way that you want to be treated. I don't know what is wrong with 95% of the population, but I wouldn't want to be treated the way they treat others. Oh wait, I already am treated that way. So why do I have to keep being the bigger person? Well, that's because I was raised better than that and would rather see myself hurt in order to help someone else.
Maybe I just need to grow a backbone.

What I like about you...er...me

5 things I like about myself

1- My sense of fashion. I like to think that I know what I'm talking about when it comes to fashion. :)

2- The love I have for my friends and family. I don't think too many people love like I do. This can be a good thing and a bad thing though.

3- My ability to forgive people. I don't forgive everyone, ok I just don't forgive a few people, but I very easily forgive people. Just apologize and I don't see why you don't deserve a second chance.

4- My movie collection. It's pretty great.

5- My hair. Even though it's not as long as I'd like it to be right now, and it rarely ever does what I want it to, I get a lot of compliments on it, so that's cool.

:)

This was hard. I think I realized I don't like too dang much about myself.

Making history

The Subject I love(d) most at college.

I LOVED History of the Cinema! Both classes about it that I took. If you know me, or read my blog at all you know that I love movies. So there was no reason I shouldn't have loved that class. Not only was it about one of my favorite things in the world, it was taught by an amazing teacher, so it was an all around glorious class.
:)

Just a short note.

4. A short note to all of my exes.

Dear exes,
Thank you for making me into who I am today.
I'm happy we didn't work out.
-Me

Well that was easy!

memmmmorrrrry alll alone in the moooonlight!!

5 most memorable things to happen in 2010:

1. My 21st birthday party! My dad's band played a private concert for me and my friends at a pool party. It was amazing! I had my friends, family, and just an all around great time! I can't wait for the next go around...well my 22nd. :)

2. Having my heart broken the final time by someone and then getting over it.

3. Moving into my first house. Even though it's just a renter, it's see an awesome step in life.

4. My Big Dip ceremony in May! I got my mentor ring from SFA. It's a huge step in life to have a college ring and I'm very proud of myself.

5. Going to throw a few together...Seeing Taylor Swift, Gary Allan, Lady Antebellum (twice), Miranda Lambert, Kellie Pickler, Gloriana, David Nail, and Eric Church in concert. :)

Bad angel get off of my shoulder now

2. Lyrics to a song that fit my current mood/situation

"Bad Angel"

Bad angel, get off of my shoulder
Bad angel, let me be
I'm standing at the crossroads
of Temptation and Salvation Street

(Dierks Bentley)
I woke up bound and determined
That I would not light it up today
But one drag would stop my shakin'
Right now I could go either way

Bad angel, get off of my shoulder now
Bad angel, let me be
I'm standing at the crossroads
of Temptation and Salvation Street

(Miranda Lambert)
Well the cap is on the bottle
and the bottle is on the shelf
Should I take it or leave it?
Honey, how am I gonna help myself?

Bad angel, get off of my shoulder (get on off of my shoulder)
Bad angel, let me be (oh let me be)
I'm standing at the crossroads
of Temptation and Salvation Street

(Jamey Johnson)
Well I know I should not gamble
'Cause I can't afford to lose
She'd hang me from the rafters
By the laces in my old working shoes

Bad angel, get off of my shoulder
Bad angel, let me be
I'm standing at the crossroads
of Temptation and Salvation Street
Yes I'm standing at the crossroads
of Temptation and Salvation
Temptation and Salvation
Temptation and Salvation Street

It's the start of something new

My horoscope for Feb. 23: You see what's wrong and you know what to do now. The time has come to make it real, and it's a lot bigger than any one person. Be cautious, emotions, perhaps coming from another person or event, oppose your life dreams and stifle any imagination you may have. This can result in an emotional confrontation. Ambition, practicality, and achievement are admirable, but they are means to an end - not ends in themselves.

Well I'm not sure how accurate this is going to be, since I haven't done anything today. Considering its 4 in the morning and I still haven't gone to sleep from yesterday. I'm trying to think about what's wrong. It could mean my job. It could mean that I just need to go up to work, get my last paycheck, and quit. That would make sense because that would be a very difficult thing to do, even though I know I need to do it.
It could also mean a few problems I've seem around our roommate situation. Nothing too harsh, but I think if I do confront people about it, there will be serious "emotional confrontation".
I suppose we'll find out in the morning...er...later today.

Valentine's Day

Today is Valentine's Day. I've gone through a range of emotions already today and it's only 3PM. Considering I got out of bed at noon, that's pretty early to me.
I woke up mad. Mad that I woke up alone. Mad that everyone was posting "Happy V-day!" on their facebook walls. Just mad.
Then I hit the "I don't care if I'm single, I'm going to have a good day" phase. I took myself to Ihop and had chocolate chip pancakes. They were yummy.
On the way back home I turned sad. The stupid radio always gets me. Sometimes I'm happy for the love songs, but other times they just hit you the wrong way.
So here I am, stuck at work, sad.
I don't want to be like some people and say that I'm happy I'm single, because I'm not.
But I don't want to sit an whine all day either.
Unfortunately I'll end up doing the latter. I'll probably go buy myself some chocolate covered strawberries tonight and watch a sappy movie and cry.
So, yeah...Happy Valentine's Day.

A new thing I've learned to do. :)

20 things about Jordan Lea Smith on Prezi

Introduction

I’ve always thought of my life as the biggest movie of all time and myself as the tortured, hopeless-romantic, damsel-in-distress waiting for her prince charming to come make everything make sense. Of course, in my head prince charming looks a lot like Matt Damon, sings like Michael Buble’, and treats me like Tom Hanks treated Meg Ryan in every movie ever.
In reality I’ve just kissed a lot of frogs, more than I’d like to admit.
My first boyfriend and I had the makings of a storybook romance. Third grade boy meets third grade girl and they chase each other around on the playground and then they stick together through all the tough times of fourth and fifth grade. He buys her necklaces, she buys him cologne, they have a million chaperoned “dates”. Then one day at lunch during sixth grade the boy (oh who am I kidding...) Andrew sits with another table full of girls. A week goes by and we stay separate during lunch every day. (Lunch was always the cruelest part of the day in Jr. High). One day two girls turned around to me and said, “Andrew doesn’t want to be your boyfriend anymore.” I was so shocked. We’d spent three wonderful years together and it was over just like that? I was devastated. I barely made it off the school bus before I burst into tears and ran into my mom’s arms.
That was my first encounter with boys being complete jerks.
Over the years things just got worse.
Later on in my sixth grade year I fell in love with an older man, an seventh grader. He had band the period before I did so every day my best friend, Shanna, and I would wait outside the band hall for him to walk past and when he did we would giggle and blush all the way to our seats. One day I even said hi, and of course the giggles came harder. Looking back now I realize that 11 year old Jordan had no game (not that 21 year old Jordan really does either). Being in a small school, everyone knew of my obsession and it became a sort of joke. At the Valentine’s dance that year my friends got him to slow dance with me to Selena’s “Dreaming of You”. I was in heaven, but after that he rarely gave me the time of day. I pined over him for two years. When he graduated from Jr. High, so did I, I began dating a Sophomore in high school. Today he’s happily dating my old best friend Shanna. Funny how those things happen.
These days I wouldn’t call him a jerk, but back then I thought the fact that he wouldn’t date me was the worst thing in the world and I cried myself to sleep many nights. I don’t know how many times I’ve thought the worst thing possible was happening to me, but I think that’s one of the biggest things you have to know about me, I’m a bit over dramatic.
Back to that Sophomore. His name was Clint and he was one of my mom’s actors in the play “Hillbilly Hankerin”. He and I hit it off pretty quickly and he had a truck, so I thought I was set for life. We started dating in December and things went south in May. After 5 months and 11 days it ended with me saying over the phone, “Now don’t you go and tell your little friends that you broke up with me because I’m clearly breaking up with you”. (I thought I was feisty for a 13 year old.) After that I ran into the living room, into my mother’s arms, bawling. Even though I’d claimed I did the breaking, I blamed it all on him.
I know, still a bit over dramatic, but 13 year old me swore up and down that no guy was ever going to date her ever again. Luckily (or not) for me a few have since then.
This brings us to the beginning of the core of my story. This is also the beginning of my high school years.
As I mentioned before, I was in band. I played the the flute and couldn’t wait to march with the Mighty Leopard Band at Van Vleck High School. The band begins marching practice during the summer before school actually starts, so I had to opportunity to meet a few upperclassmen before I had to walk through the front doors of the school for the first time. Since this is where my “movie life” begins, let me paint the picture for you.
The scene is set in a small band hall: beige walls, dirty white tiles, black chairs and instrument cases strewn around carelessly. Students milling about reuniting with friends they hadn’t seen all summer long. There’s an old raggedy couch along one of the walls with seniors sprawled across it, clearly marking their territory and young freshmen hanging around them, trying to get noticed. A few over-achievers are already putting their instruments together, talking about music they’d like to play for contest, and then actually playing a few songs from past years.
Amongst all this is me. Even though I had a lot of friends growing up, I was always a shy girl and never liked to walk into places alone. I can’t quite remember how I arrived at the band hall that summer morning, it all blurred together once I saw him.

Stand Still, Look Pretty

Stand by for important words from Jordan after this short song lyric break.
:)

I want to paint my face
And pretend that I am someone else
Sometimes I get so fed up
I don't even want to look at myself

But people have problems that are worse than mine
I don't want you to think I'm complaining all the time
And I hate the way you look at me I have to say
I wish I could start over

I am slowly falling apart
I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start
You might think it's easy being me
You just stand still, look pretty

Sometimes I find myself shaking
In the middle of the night
And then it hits me and I can't
Even believe this is my life

But people have problems that are worse than mine
I don't want you to think I'm complaining all the time
And I wish that everyone would go and shut their mouths
I'm not strong enough to deal with it

I am slowly falling apart
I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start
You might think it's easy being me
You just stand still, look pretty

-------

Now while I didn't write that song, I can relate to it in every way possible.
Sorry it's been so long that I've blogged. I wish I could say that it's because I've been incredibly busy, but I really haven't. I mean, I've started a new semester of college, I go to work a few times a week, but that's about it. Other than that I watch tv and just hang out with friends. I've just been trying to re-analyze my life. I'm tired of the way I look at myself and portray myself to others. I feel that I always talk about how much I don't like my life, how sad I am. Well even if I am sad about things at times, I'm living my life. I'm happy on the normal day to day.
They say you're supposed to discover yourself sometime in your life. I can tell you that I haven't discovered myself yet. I know what I, the 21 year old, wants out of life, but I don't know what I'm going to want 5, 10, 50 years down the road.
I'm sure things won't change drastically after a while, but I'm currently waiting for a "kick". You know like in "Inception", the slight jerk or fall that makes them wake up from the dream. Of course this is more of a blur than a dream.
I feel that at this young of an age I shouldn't consider my life a blur. I'm not sure that anyone should ever consider their life a blur. We all only get one life. You should document every day and cherish every thing you do. You'll never, ever have another January 27, 2011. Ever. That day is gone. Forever.

So here's what I did today:
Woke up at 9am. Ok, my alarm went off at 9am, I rolled out around 9:35am after a few rounds with the snooze button. Showered, got dressed, grabbed a redbull and headed to my first class. As I sat in Convention and Meeting Planning, not texting on my phone (the teacher said she will take it up high school style if she catches us), I planned out a centerpiece for a table at the VV Senior Serve. One of mom's students asked her to help with his table, and since I'm the "party planner" of the family, I get the task. I'm really happy about it though because this is the sort of thing that I love.
After that I left class and called and talked to my parents for a bit as they packed for the convention they are attending this weekend (TETA). I then dropped Truckie off at WalMart to get his oil changed and I moseyed around the store while I waited. Decided to buy the "Steel Magnolia" cd because I'm a fan of their first song, and thought it would be handy to sing along with in the car. Man was I right! When I got back in Truckie and popped the new cd in I was very happy with my decision. After that I made another decision: to eat lunch at a restaurant alone. Shocking, I know. But I did it. Had nachos at Posados all by my lonesome. It was refreshing actually. Spent a little more than I wanted to, but I enjoyed it. After dropping the leftovers back off at home I walked around Hobby Lobby for a while, just browsing. Promise. I then had the best idea I think I've had all month. I was going to vacuum Truckie out and run him through the car wash.
Let me tell you, I felt like the coolest person in the world doing this all by myself. I just imagined every guy that drove by me while I was doing this was thinking, "wow, that girl really knows how to take care of her truck. I need to give her my number". Of course no one did, but it helped me work. My new cd helped me work as well. And it didn't hurt that it was one of the most beautiful days I've seen in years. I had planned on running Truckie through the plain ole' Laserwash, but when I drove up the machine wouldn't take my money so I drove across town to the new "Zippy's Express Wash" and let him ride the conveyor belt through one of those really cool long "ride-thru" car washes. Man, after an oil change, a clean out, a vacuum, and a 5-star washing Truckie was on cloud 9!
After my grand adventure around town I settled down for a bit and went to my evening class for a little over an hour then hit up the sushi place with Stevie around 6. After sushi we watched an episode of Dexter then ran to the redbox to rent "The Kids Are All Right" and into Kroger to get some ice cream. I was disappointed in Kroger because they weren't carrying the brand of Vanilla Bean that I usually get. I ended up trying something new that was called "Madagascar Vanilla Bean". I'm not sure why these vanilla beans were from Madagascar but it set Stevie and me talking about the film and we decided she's the Hippo and I'm the Zebra. For obvious reasons...to us, that is.
While watching the Oscar nominated movie, (Yes, that's the reason we grabbed it. Trying to watch all the best picture nominees before the awards) the lesbian couple call each other by the pet names "chicken" and "pony", so naturally Stevie and I assign names to each other, she "pony" and I "chicken". We then decided to change our phones to our new names so when we call or text each other we will see our pet names. But as we did this we thought of other girl couples that we've assigned to each other. I ended up changing her name to "Pony/Ellen/Ellie" (Ellen DeGeneres and Ellie from Cougar Town) and she changed me to "Chicken/Portia/Jules" (Portia, Ellen's wife and Jules, Ellie's bff in Cougar Town. Needless to say, we were very proud of ourselves.
After the movie we watched two more episodes of Dexter and are now in bed. Pony/Ellen/Ellie is luckily asleep and I am here telling no one the story of my very full, very tiring day.
So good sir, or lovely lady, if you have read this entire blog, God bless you and yours.
Come back any random day where I just might document something worth reading.
Cheers!

One of the best men who will ever walk this earth

celebrity profile

I love this man.
He sings the songs that get me through the day.
Gary Allan is my rock.