As most of you know, my great-grandfather passed away this week, and today we had his funeral in Madisonville.
It was a nice service and tears were had by all.
The viewing was last night at the Madisonville Funeral Home. We, my mom, dad, Trevor, and myself, got there probably around 4PM and had to stay there until 8PM when it closed. At first I didn’t think it was going to be too bad, there were going to be plenty of people there that I know and love, but after the first hour and a half I started to change my mind. Our stomachs started growling in unison and the sight of my great-grandfather’s dead body gave me chills every time I looked at it.
I’ve never been to a viewing as a member of the family so I wasn’t aware of what exactly we were supposed to do. Obviously you just stand/sit in the main room and people come in and talk to you. The thing that I found the most interesting was that when people came in they didn’t stay for a few minutes and leave, they stayed for a few hours and talked and talked and talked until they decided that they better go.
Since we had enough time to count the ceiling tiles a millions times, my dad and I mostly listened to other people’s conversations and they prompted a conversation of our own. We asked ourselves the question “What is appropriate viewing/funeral etiquette”?
You may think that this would be a simple thing to answer, but once you start thinking about it, you will find otherwise.
It seems that people treat viewings as more of a family reunion than a time to view the body. People were standing no more than five feet from my Big Daddy’s body talking about their spring break plans and laughing hysterically. Many times stories that were being told were about my Big Daddy, but lots of them weren’t. My dad and I were lucky enough to hear one old man tell my Uncle Brett that he had bunions on his toes. Is that appropriate to talk about at a viewing?
Not only were we concerned with conversation topics, but also about things such as:
Is it appropriate for kids under the age of 6 to run around like it’s a playground?
Is it appropriate to wear normal everyday clothes to a viewing? To a funeral?
Is is appropriate to take pictures in the chapel?
Is it appropriate to take pictures of the body?
Is it appropriate to take pictures WITH the body? (Myspace style)
Is it appropriate to high five at any of the times during the viewing/service?
Is it appropriate to text?
Check your email?
Call someone?
There were many other thing that we discussed, but you’ll have to wait for our book to hear them all.
We asked some of the people around us about these things.
Mom says it’s appropriate to text if it is relevant to the situation. Like texting someone to tell them that I saw a picture of them at the service is ok, but not to text my friend to ask about her day. Mom also says it’s not appropriate to check your email unless it’s relevant. The problem with that one is that you won’t know if it’s relevant till you check it. Puts one in quite a conundrum.
Like I said, my father and I are going to compile all of our questions and write a book. We already have the title picked out.
Stay tuned.
Of course this weekend was also a sad one. At the front of the viewing they had a slideshow of pictures from Big Daddy's entire life with some of his music playing in the background. We spent some of our time watching it and talking about the past. At one point I was holding my Uncle Brett's son, Kade, who is 5 years old. We were watching the pictures when all of a sudden he leaned back and whispered, "I wish Big Daddy wouldn't have died." Not ready for a 5 year old to say something like that, I was taken aback. At first I couldn't speak, afraid I would choke, but I just whispered back, "Me too Kader."
Later on we were standing a little closer to the casket when my cousin Garrett, who is about 7, walked up to see Big Daddy by himself. Now Garrett has never really talked to me. He's grown up only seeing me on Thanksgivings and Christmases, so he's never really known me too well. I wasn't sure how he'd react to me, but I decided I'd go see how he was considering that he looked very sad. When I asked him how he was he said "ok" so I rubbed his back and was going to walk away. He just stood there looking at Big Daddy. Then he took his wallet out and started opening it. I asked him what he had in there and he pulled out a penny.
He looked at me and said, "I want Papaw to have this." (They call Big Daddy, Papaw)
He was too short too reach into the casket so I offered to put it in there for him. I asked if he wanted me to put it in our great-grandfather's pocket and he nodded "yes".
After I'd placed the child's penny in Big Daddy's pocket Garrett looked up at me and said, with big eyes, "Will he remember me now?"
Just as Kade's statement had earlier, it took me aback.
I was a little more prepared then.
"Yes Garrett, of course he's going to remember you."
Then he walked away from me.
Children handle and understand things so different than we do. I wish everything was as simple for us as it is for them. They really are amazing. We can learn so much from them.
I really did have a nice time seeing all of my family. It's always nice since we rarely see them.
Today Kevin drove from Nac to come for the funeral. It made it more bearable. I'm sure my tears would have fallen harder if he hadn't been there to hold me.
I'm not sure if it was the fact that Big Daddy had passed away or seeing my Papaw cry that made me cry more.
All I know for sure is that Big Daddy is in a better place than we are and I can't wait till the day I'm reunited with him in Heaven.
