Is it me?

I'm not going to open this blog with a lot of nonsense talk. I'm going to get straight to the point.
I think I push my friends away.
I don't try to. I love my friends. But my friends are always changing. I mean, I have a lot of the same friends as I've always had. But the statuses of my relationships change.
I've always dreamed of a fairy tale life where you grow up with one person and they're your best friend and they're yours...but that just hasn't happened for me...and there's nothing I can do about it. It seems that every time I label someone as my "best friend" I end up pushing them away somehow.
Here is my friend cycle: Friend. Close friend. Best Friend. Close Friend. Friend. And who are you?
On a different, yet same, note...I found out rather recently that nobody was a huge fan of mine in high school. I know that that's in the past and that high school kids are immature and tacky like that, but I do have feelings and it still hurt. Just knowing that part of my life was a lie. That I spent my time trying to impress and be there for people that didn't care about me the way I cared about them.
So that leads me to believe that maybe at some point I was their friend, and they did like me...but maybe I just pushed them away.
I don't know what leads to this. Maybe I'm afraid of someone hurting me first, so I try to make the first move. I don't think that's correct because I hate hurting people. If I know that I'm hurting someone I try to stop it or make up for it. Or maybe it's just because I'm a bad person. I wasn't raised to be a bad person...and I really don't think I am, but I'm not sure there is another explanation for what is happening.
Basically I spend all of my time outside of class with Kevin. I love that. Really I do. The reason I am in a relationship with Kevin is because I do want to spend the rest of my life with him. But it seems that my friends don't like hanging out with "Jordan and Kevin" all the time.
That leads me to my next point.
How do you decide how much time is the right amount of time to spend with your friends vs the time you spend with your significant other?
I really don't know. Like I said, I love spending all of my time with Kevin. But I know my friends want their Jordan back. That's pretty much all there is to say on that topic.
Basically the same thing though...how do you handle your friends that aren't friends with each other? I'm already having to spread my time out between friends and boyfriend...how much else am I expected to do? Part of me wants to tell my friends that they can get over it and spend time together if they want to see me. But then the other part of me just wants to please everyone and try to spend time with every single person individually.

I bring all of this up because I have realized lately that some of my friends don't want to hang out with me as much. And if they don't express it, they just don't talk to me as much. I don't want this to seem like a "pity blog"...it's just what's on my mind lately.

All in all...I'm glad I'm in a relationship. Because if I wasn't, I'm sure I would die a crazy old cat lady.