Battle Studies

My 5th semester here at SFA is coming to a close and I have no idea where the time has gone. It seems like just yesterday I was walking across the stage at VVHS. It seems like just yesterday I was winning Best Actress at OAP. It seems like just yesterday I was making Varsity cheerleader. I was falling in love for the first time. I was playing my flute for the first time. I was crying because Kelsey was moving from VV. I was becoming a big sister. I was Henrietta Hen in my first play.

Where does the time go?

And I'm only 20.

How am I going to feel when I'm 40? 60? 103?

Even though I've grown up, moved away from home and have new friends, some things never change. I'm still a hopeless romantic. I'm still extremely shy. I still love watching Disney shows. I'm still a people pleaser. I would still rather hang out with my family than get completely wasted at a frat party.

Part of me wishes I could change, but I don't think I'm a horrible person.

I would be my friend if I were someone else.

I love Christmas time. That's never changed. The songs. The weather. Just the spirit of it all. Everyone seems happier and the world just seems like a brighter place to live.

I have a new found love for John Mayer. He really is a great artist. I've just added his new cd to my Christmas Wish List...I hope someone reads this and gets it for me. *cough cough* daddy *cough cough*

"Just when I had you off my head. Your voice comes thrashing wildly through my quiet bed. You say you wanna try again, but I've tried everything but giving in. Why you wanna break my heart again. Why am I gonna let you try? When all we ever do is say goodbye."

Do people really fall in love forever? Are people ever truly happy with the people they "love"?

I'm still waiting for my movie romance...but I'm doubting it's ever going to happen.

I don't want a knight in shining armor anymore...I will settle for a flawed, handsome, millionaire.

Or at least someone that will make the first move, treat me like I've never been treated, adore me forever, and has a family that loves me like one of their own.

I can never seem to get all of those traits together. I keep dating people that have a few of the qualities I like, never all of them.

Are my standards too high?

I feel if I lower them I'll never be happy in life.

I just found out that Taylor Swift sings a song with John Mayer! Yes, I do need his new album.

I want to escape reality. I think that's why I love movies and tv so much. They give me a chance to get away from life for a while. That's why I watch a movie a day, to keep me calm. To keep me from not stressing about life.

What is it about working out that makes me feel cool? Is it the fact that all the skinny, pretty people do it and I want to look like them? Or is it that I'm just really weird?

Yet for some reason, I still can't make myself do it all the time.

I've been brave lately. Talked to people that I would normally not talk to. I'm very proud of myself. To outgoing people this may seem like nothing. But talking to the cute guy that sits next to me in class is a huge step in my book. I rewarded myself with a trip to Chilis...not good for my bank account. But made me feel better about myself.

I've been without my Macbook for most of this semester. It's been horrible. I've been living with my dad's little bitty blue Netbook. It's really small. I'm used to it now, but it gets annoying sometimes when I'm wanting to do something "Mac-y" and I can't. My charger broke. :( I need to get a new one, but Apple likes to make them about $70.

Random fact: I'm trying to lose 15 pounds before December 18th. Pray for me! Or just send me healthy snacks so I won't eat bad things for me.

I'm tired of people dogging the Cowboys. Just because you aren't a fan doesn't mean you have to be mean about them. I never understood intentionally putting down someone's favorite team when you know how they feel about them...and without a good reason. I'm also tired of people saying really mean things about Romo. I mean, I know he's not doing the best in the league right now, but he's not a horrible quarterback. And he's very young and hasn't had as much experience as some of the other QBs in the league. He didn't start playing till the 2006 season when he took over for Drew Bledsoe. It's only his 4th season as a starting quarterback...cut him some slack. I do get mad at him sometimes, ok, I get furious with him sometimes. But I'd like to see some of his naysayers do any better. And remember the Cowboys are 8-3 this season and 1st in the NFC East, they aren't a horrible team. And Romo did have 6 interception free games...would a horrible, no good quarterback do that? I mean he's no Peyton Manning, but I'm not giving up on him just yet.

...off my soapbox...

"I'm in the war of my life, at the door of my life, out of time and there's no where to run away."

Just a little update.

Name: Jordan Lea Smith (still...as far as I know...)

Age: 19 (for two more days)

Status: Single (not so sure about the ready to mingle part...)

Kevin and I broke up. I thought it was going to be a "nice" break-up. It turns out that we're not talking or seeing each other anymore. It's harder than I thought it was going to be. 

I'll make it. 

I've made it through break-ups before. They only get harder. 

I'm still just as confused about life as I've ever been. 

It's a little harder now. I don't have a set "set" of friends. I never know who I can turn to and lean on. 

But I still love life. 

I guess that's the key to life...love it. 

I finished a whole scrapbrook today. It's a small one, but it was a lot of work. A lot. 

I feel very accomplished. 

I'm very, very proud of myself. 

That's a great update...

I like to scrapbook now. I've made fun of mom and her friends for the longest time. I sat down and actually started the other day and I just adore it. I feel like I can do it when I'm angry, sad, happy, bored...finally...I think I have a hobby. 

Stevie and I have an apartment in Nac. We move in mid-August. I really can't wait! That's going to be so awesome. So. Awesome. 

I wait tables at El Chico...I hate every second of it. 

Oh well. There are some good people that I work with. 

There are some not so good people that I work with. 

I guess that's how the cookie crumbles. 

I've stuffed a lot of food in my mouth recently. I haven't gained any weight yet...of course I haven't lost any either. 

Oh well. 

My favorite song of the moment is "Faith in Love" by Reba and Rascal Flatts. 

Give it a listen. It's awesome. 

I painted the walls in my room red. I have it decorated black, red, and white. I love it.

It's messy still. But not as cluttered. 

"Goodbyes are like a Roulette wheel, you never know where they're gonna land. First you're spinning, then you're standing still. Left holdin' a losing hand"

American Idol trip Part one.

It's been a while. 

I'm in Dallas...well Arlington...for American Idol auditions. I've always wondered what it would be like to audition, but never really thought I would. When Meagan asked me to go with her when she auditioned I figured it was my chance. I might as well try, or I'll never know. 

Yesterday we left my house around 3 with Meagan's car loaded down with everything that we thought true American Idol contestants needed. We stopped in Lake Jackson because I wanted to get a new shirt for the audition. She ended up buying a shirt and I bought a pair of jeans. They are really great. I think if they don't let me through to Hollywood with these jeans on then they just might be crazy. 

After we left LJ we headed on our merry way to The Big "D". After driving through Huntsville we stopped at a relatively new Rest Area. We bought drinks, played on the playground, followed a trail, and picked up a pet rock which we named Hunter (because we found him in "Hunt"sville). We loaded into the car and tried to leave the rest area when all of a sudden Meagan's car wouldn't let her go over 10MPH and when we stopped the car it started to shake, then the check engine light came on. Of course we have no idea about cars, so all I know to check is if the engine is over heated...which it wasn't. After sitting for a few seconds we started the car back up and it ran well. Got us all the way here. The light was still on, but nothing was happening. 

When we got near our hotel we couldn't find how to get to it because there was so much construction and the gps didn't know how to navigate through it. We made a million turns and then after one turn I saw something that made me scream. 

Cowboys Stadium. 

It was beautiful...and I wasn't even that close to it. 

I screamed. 

Meagan freaked out. 

And we almost missed a turn.

When we arrived at our hotel we settled in and were sitting in bed when the news showed a clip of people at the stadium for American Idol. We were confused because on the website it said that people weren't going to be able to camp out and registration wasn't until 8 in the morning. We decided that we needed to trek over to the stadium and see what was going on. It didn't take us very long because our hotel is about 2 miles from the stadium. Sure enough, when we got there there were about 20 cars already in the parking lot and the people were sitting outside of their vehicles in chairs and on blankets watching the stadium like something major was about to happen. I tweeted at that time asking the twitter world if there was a fireworks show that we were not informed about. 

We drove around the stadium admiring it's beauty and then drove back to the hotel and tried to sleep. 

Didn't happen very easily. We were just so excited. 

At first we were planning on waking up around 7, but when we found out that the gates opened at 5, we figured we needed to get up earlier. Meagan woke up at 4 and tried to wake me up at 4:35. Ha! I stayed under the covers until 5 and then after that it took me about 20 minutes to get out of the shower. 

We made our way back over to the stadium. This time there weren't just around 50 people. There were about 2,000 people (maybe more) already lined around the sides of the stadium. 

It wasn't too long of a wait, or at least not as long as I'd been expecting. We sat on the ground for about an hour and a half. During that time we made two new friends. One girl named Holly who was there with her dad and a guy name Phillip who was laying on the ground next to us when Meagan told us that we should all lay on each other's stomachs and rest. He awoke when he realized that she was saying that I needed to lay on his tummy. That's one way to make friends I suppose.

We made our way all the way up the line together, having a grand ole time the whole way there. The heat was crazy...we were all sweating, but it made walking into Cowboys Stadium even better. We didn't get to walk very far into it, so I can't tell you everything about it. But it already looked amazing. Amazing I tell you. 

After we received our wristbands and tickets we went to breakfast at iHop and then came back to the hotel room to rest before we hit up Dallas. 

Meagan is now napping and I am blogging. Great rest. 

We're not sure what we are going to. Maybe just sightsee...maybe go to the Ripley's Believe it or Not museum...maybe catch a movie. Whatever it is, it'll be great. :)

There are pictures on my Picasa web albums and on my facebook. 

I'm going to finish reading My Sister's Keeper now...I'm so close to the end it's killing me. 

A little bit about me

Dictionary.com refers to materialism as:

preoccupation with or emphasis on material objects, comforts, and considerations, with a disinterest in or rejection of spiritual, intellectual, or cultural values.

I disagree with that wholeheartedly. I don't see how you can't completely love material things and still have a love for spiritual and religious things. 

I don't think that loving material items causes you to reject anything that you wouldn't already choose to reject yourself. 

I have been called materialistic. 

And that's fine. 

I DO love material things. 

Buying things makes me happy. 

More happy than most things. 

But it doesn't compare to the way my heart feels when I'm standing in church singing the words, "Indescribable, uncontainable. You place the stars in the sky and you know them by name. You are amazing God."

But yes, I do love material things. 

Some people just don't understand the feeling I get when I buy a new pair of shoes. For that moment in time I feel that nothing is wrong in the world. I just have me and my beautiful new pair of shoes. 

Another thing people don't understand is my fascination with celebrities. This may come from my materialism, and probably does. 

I don't know if I can even explain why I'm so interested in famous people's lives. I can only try. 

I think that since I have always wanted to be famous part of it must come from jealousy or from idolization. 

I do want what they have. 

Not only their clothes, shoes, hair stylists, bodies, etc...

But I want people to scream for me when I walk down the street. 

I want people to recognize me when I walk into a room. 

I want people to like me. 

I want people to want to be me. 

That may be selfish. That may just be dumb. 

But that's me. 

I need a puppy

So, I have a lot of studying to do, but I have to tell the world of my great day first. 

Today I called in to work because I have a lot of work to do, studying for my history test on Thursday, homework for sociology, and picture stuff for my digital photography class, etc. 

I decided that since I had time I was going to go take pictures of campus for my SFA postcard assignment. Since it was a beautiful day outside I decided that I would put Random (my 10 month old cat) on her harness and take her with me. 

She didn't like that idea. 

She did a little jump dance and got out of her harness. 

She darted towards the Kennedy Auditorium. 

She darted towards the Chemistry building. 

Then darted into a dark hole. 

She came back out for a second. 

I held her. 

She clawed my back and ran back under. 

Marie and I waited and waited and waited for her to come back out while Kevin went to get her food and a couple of toys. 

She wouldn't come out. 

Kevin made it back and we set up a nice little spot for her to come back. 

There were two black cats under there with her. 

They came out to say hello a few times. 

FINALLY she came out to play with her ping pong ball. 

But she was too smart for us. 

She would knock it away and go back and hide. 

Then I outsmarted her. 

We placed the pink shoe-string that she plays with in the hole and she came out for that. 

Kevin grabbed her and we ran to the car. 

Little toot thought she could get away. 

Little does she know that she is now stuck in the apartment as long as she lives. 

Little dummy. 

If you wanted to know...cats don't like walks. 

Get a dog. 

10 Rules for a Successful Relationship

This is the list my Sociology teacher gave me today. 

1. Express love verbally.

2. Be physically affectionate.

3. Express appreciation and admiration.

4. Share more with your partner than with any other person. 

5. Offer each other emotional support. 

6. Express your love materially. 

7. Accept partner's demands and put up with partner's shortcomings. 

8. Make time to be alone together. 

9. Do not take the relationship for granted. 

10. Do unto each other as you would have the other do unto you. 

:)

I used to love this song

From where I'm sitting, I can see where I stand...

I enjoy spontaneity. 

I'm not very spontaneous, but I love when the people around me are. 

You know what I don't enjoy?

Sitting on my butt and watching tv all day. 

It's fine for a few hours...but get out and do something. 

Seriously. 

"I don't think I can take much of this anymore"

I also don't like it when I don't get my way. 

But, honestly, who does?

It just really sucks. 

It even sucks worse when the person doesn't give you a good reason for why you're not getting your way. 

You know what?

I'm a very responsible person. The only thing I'm not responsible with is my money. And I'm working on it. I like to think that most, if not all, of my decisions are VERY responsible. Yeah, they may not be "textbook" perfect ideas or decisions. But I've never been in jail. I've never been in any big trouble with the law. I was never in detention is school. I've never been in a fight anywhere. I'm a good person. 

Shoot...I'm a great person. 

Why shouldn't good things happen to me all the time?

I sure as heck deserve it. 

I deserve the world. 

I'm sorry.

I'm in a mood. 

I'll get over it. 

Fun party at Jeryca and Sarah's tonight. 

(aka my apartment soon). :)