It's a survey but I thought it should be shared.

01] Do you have the guts to answer these questions and re-post as The Controversial Survey?
I will answer them all...but I probably won't post it as that.






[02] Would you do meth if it was legalized?
No. Why would I do something that would kill me? I don't play in traffic just because it isn't illegal.







[03] Abortion:for or against it?
I am for it in certain cases. I don't think that a girl that got pregnant should get one just because she doesn't want a child.

But I do think that it should always be the woman, not the government's choice.






[04] Do you think the world would fail with a female president?
No I don't think the world would fail. We would probably have some problems considering that there are some people stuck in their stubborn ways. But I think that a woman can do just as good of a job as a man.





[05] Do you believe in the death penalty?
I'm from Texas, so that's a given.

But I think if I even wasn't from Texas I would believe in it. There are some people that just do horrible things that should never be able to breathe again.






[06] Do you wish marijuana would be legalized already?
Didn't I basically answer that question with the meth one? It could kill you. It damages your body.
Why would you want to do something like that?




[07] Are you for or against premarital sex?
I would be a hypocrite if I said that I was against it. But I do have a great respect for people that wait.







08] Do you believe in God?
I do believe that there is a God.





[09] Do you think same sex marriage should be legalized
The Christian in me says that it shouldn't be, because of the things that the Bible says.

But then the other part of me thinks that we have evolved enough, and that it has been a few years since the Bible was born, and things have changed.

So, I think that it would be fine for it to be legalized, that is the person's decision to be the way they are. I am no one to stop it.




[10] Do you think it's wrong that so many Hispanics are illegally moving to the USA?
Yes if they're doing it illegally. I really don't see what is so wrong of doing it legally. Why can't they do what they need to do to become a US citizen. They're not getting the rights that make the US so good if they are illegal. They have to hide.
What's the fun in that?




[11] A twelve year old girl has a baby, should she keep him?
That is the gray area in abortions.

First off, I don't think she is old enough to have sex. And if she did it willingly I blame the parents for not raising her well enough to know that she can't go dropping her pants before she's even a teen. Part of me thinks that if she did it willingly she should have to live with the consequences and have the baby. But a 12 year old's body is not equipped to carry a baby for nine months and then go through labor, it could damage her for life and probably hurt her chances of having kids in the future.

If she didn't have sex willingly, like if she was raped, she should be able to have an abortion because she shouldn't be forced to live with something like that for the rest of her life.

Like I said, it's a real gray area.





[12] Should the alcohol age be lowered to eighteen?
I know that the drinking age used to be 18. And I know that lots of people that are between the ages of 18 and 21 think that the age should be lowered again. But there is a good reason that they raised the age. People were dying. More than should have been.
I know that people still drink and do stupid things and die before they are 21, but why risk it?






[13] Should the war in Iraq be called off?
I think that the war should have never started, but now that we are in it we should stick it out and support what we are doing.

With that said, it should be ended as soon as possible. This has been going on since 2001. That's 7 years. What has it done? If it has done anything, it's just made Americans even more scared of terrorists and anything else that poses a threat to our country.

So, I think we should get our troops out of there. But in a planned out way. We can't just "call it off".




[14] Assisted suicide is illegal: do you agree?
I find this a hard thing to think about. if someone is lying in a bed hurting really bad, who are we to say that he can't tell the doctors to pull the plug? He is in pain. I wouldn't want to lie in pain for days, weeks, months, even years. Sometimes it's better to let them just leave this life and go to heaven.




[15] Do you believe in spanking your children?
Yes I believe in spanking your children.

I don't believe in beating your children.

But a little smack with a belt now and then never killed anyone.

Gosh it hurt a whole lot, but I'm sure I'm a better person for it.





[16] Would you burn an American flag for a million dollars?
Maybe one of those little dollar store ones. lol.

But no, that's just plain disrespectful. And whoever put me up to that should be shipped off to the front lines in Iraq.





[17] Who do you think would make a better president? McCain or Obama?
Obama.

I don't feel like going on and on about why he will.

But at least he won't kill over withing a few months of being elected.





[18] Do you think Obama will be killed?
I would like to think that he won't. I like to think that people are more mature than that.

We let black men act in our movies and win our oscars. We let black men teach our children. We let black men perform surgery on our dying relatives. Why can we not let a black man run our country? They already do in more ways than one. What does a white man do better than a black man? Nothing.




[19] Should child predators be forced to wear signs identifying themselves?
I don't see why child predators are even out in the world. Why aren't they locked up somewhere in a private community where they can't get to any of our children. I'm all for second chances. But not for someone who sexually abused a child. No way. That's not only wrong, it's just plain gross.






[20] Are you afraid others will judge you from reading some of your answers?
Oh I know they will. But i think that it really shouldn't matter because they are my feelings.

Don't let it happen again

We think we know who we are and what we're about. Even if we don't know right away, we figure it out in the end. Right?

Because sometime we think we have it all figured out the "BAM" our of nowhere something smacks us straight in the face unexpectedly. 

Maybe we never know who we are. Maybe we will never know the true us. 

I may never be too decisive about anything, but I always think I know who I am. When I make a decision, I stick to it. I try to give my heart and go with it. 

Is it all worth is?

I've had moments in my life when I knew exactly who I was and exactly who I wanted to be. That was two years ago and I now find myself to be a completely different person and I want completely different things. 

Is the thing that matters the most right now going to matter as much to me ten years down the road?

I like to think that I'm old enough now that I can make life long decisions and be fine with the results. But how will I ever know? I don't want to have to live with a mistake for the rest of my life. I know I should just give my heart and go in every aspect of my life, friends, relationships, school work, it's just hard. 

I know who I am...I love Kevin, I'm very happy with all of my friends, and I would do anything for my family...but I'm not sure if the me I know is the real me. I don't want to change, so how and I suppose to be sure it won't happen again?

I saw God today.

Today has already been a special day. I woke up at 8:30AM...yes you read that right...8:30AM. I decided that it was a great day to go eat breakfast with my girls. I loaded my laundry basket in my truck on the way to the cafeteria so I wouldn't have to make too many trips on my way out this afternoon. After breakfast I got ready and decided to go ahead and load the rest of my stuff in the car and head over to WalMart to return my redbox movie and to buy Sex and the City. After WalMart I filled up my truck and decided that I needed to reward myself for getting up early and taking care of things so I drove over to Sonic. I ordered I medium strawberry limeade and the man on the intercom asked it I wanted to make it a large so it would last longer, I figure what the heck, it's just a few more cents. After a while he walked out with my large drink in hand and I could tell he was the manager. He got to my car and this is what he said, "So, here's how this is going to work. The lady at smoothie kind earlier gave me a smoothie, so I'm going to give you a strawberry limeade. Now you have to go out and do something good for someone." After thanking him a whole bunch, probably more than a sonic drink was worth, I drove off in awe. It was just the "pick up" that I needed to make this day perfect. It's just so amazing to see how God works. I know that I have trouble with my faith, but something like this makes me realize that the world isn't all bad, that God is here. 

I can't wait till I get a chance to change someone else's day. 

I'm sorry

I'm sorry that I can't be perfect for everyone.

I'm sorry that I can't do exactly what everyone wants me to do.
I'm sorry that when I talk on the phone I don't talk for very long, I get uncomfortable.
I'm sorry that I don't always say the right things.
I'm sorry that I don't always say things when I'm supposed to.
I'm sorry that I can't make decisions all the time.
I'm sorry I get tempted.
I'm sorry I spend money like it's nobody's business.
I'm sorry that I can't make up my mind about what I want to do in life.
I'm sorry that I cut people off when they're talking.
I'm sorry that I like to sleep really late.
I'm sorry that I'm not that great at the whole "school" thing.
I'm sorry that I've not been the best friend I could be.
I'm sorry that I get hot really easily, I'm fat, that's how fat people are.
I'm sorry I'm mean a lot.
I'm sorry that I expect more from you.
I'm sorry that I don't like the same music as you.
I'm sorry that I have a past that I don't want to forget.
I'm sorry that I don't go to church in Nac.
I'm sorry that you don't like me.
I'm sorry that you think I don't like you.
I'm sorry that I'm not that school spirited.
I'm sorry that we grew apart.
I'm sorry that I don't like poetry.
I'm sorry that I can't remember useless history facts.
I'm sorry that I'm lazy.
I'm sorry I can't grow up like I need to.
I'm sorry that I can't forgive her.
I'm sorry I eat too much.
I'm sorry I can't go back and make everything right from the start.
I'm sorry I'm not her.

I'm sorry I'm not a hero.

Sunshine and Summertime

I haven't had a real vacation in a few years. Since Branson I suppose. When Kelsey asked me to go to Florida with her and her mom, I couldn't say no. A whole week away from everything? What could be better. Of course I'm not a huge fan of the beach. I hate sand everywhere. The water is usually icky. And it's just plain hot as hell. But it was a chance to get away from everything. All the drama and craziness of back home. Let me tell you, that part has been great. Getting away from work? Basically the best thing to happen to me in forever. 

I'm sitting out on our balcony looking out at the beach. It really is beautiful and peaceful. From far away of course. As soon as I step onto it I feel completely gross, but it's always worth a shot. 

This morning I was sitting under the umbrella down by the water reading Nights In Rodanthe by Nicholas Sparks, imagining how it would feel to finally get to walk along the North Carolina coast with the man I love when all of a sudden out of no where two dolphins started playing in the water in front of us. It was so amazing. Of course I've pet dolphins at Sea World, but to actually see them not in captivity, but in their natural habitat was just plain cool. 

I've always imagined a place like this to be romantic. A place you would go with the person you truly care about. But the people I'm here with use it as a place to get away from the men in their lives. If only I had a man in my life to get away from. Ha. 

It would be nice to come out here with a few of my friends that share my same outlook on the beach. 

Just driving around out here you feel footloose and fancy free, like there's no care in the world. No place to be, no one to please. Just yourself of course. And that's what we're all doing. Making ourselves happy. Kelsey and Becca love the beach, that's where they are, sitting on the beach in the sun. I love to relax and blog and watch Sex and the City and read, so that's where I am, away from the water in the shade. And the women, well they like to do a little bit of everything, and they do it. With their drinks in hand. :)

Well this sea water air is making my eyes water, so I'm going to escape back into my bedroom to read a novel and imagine myself to be Carrie Bradshaw, away from my lover on a tropical getaway. 

This place I'm in is not my home.

I don't like to talk about serious things. I prefer to think about them. I never know how to put my thoughts into words that will do them justice. 

I wish I knew how to though. It would help. I know that talking about my feelings would be able to take a burden off my shoulders. 

But as of now, I'm stuck with all of it. Alone.

I have so much on my mind these days. I don't know how to sort it all out. So many people to please that it's impossible to even try. 

I wish it could be like the movies, just call in to work and tell them you'll be gone and then pack up your bags and leave. Leave to anywhere. Just fly to the beach and rest for a week. Away from the noise and drama of life. When someone finds a life like that, let me know, because I will be the first in line to get one. 

I can't live a lie

Can a boy and a girl just be friends? Can they have a friendship that's just, "Hey, you're my buddy that I like to talk to and hang out with"? Can they hang out with each other without other friends without being suspected of a secret romance? It is possible isn't it?

I believe it is, but I may be wrong. I just need to make sure that what I believe is true. 

I like to think that I have a lot of friends, boys and girls alike. I'm not romantically attracted to 95.8% of my guy friends and obviously I'm not interested in dating 101% of my girl friends, so why can't I have one on one alone time with any of them that I choose to?

Some people think differently than I do and that really bugs me. I really don't think that an outside person should be able to tell me who I do and don't hang out with. 

I've needed to blog for a long time. Luckily I've built up some emotion so I can let it all out now. 

I've learned that I don't like being told what to do. Tell me what to do and unless you are some authority figure, I will probably do the opposite of what you say. I don't like to listen to my friends when they tell me who to and not to date. I don't like to listen to my co-workers when they tell me what to do (Hello, if you were my boss you wouldn't have the same job as me). I don't like to listen to my parents tell me to do chores. 

I realize that I need to do some of these things, (I always end up doing my chores, but for the sake of argument I'm stating that I don't like to) and some of them get taken care of. But really, don't boss me around. By all means tell me your opinion. I would love to hear it. I'm not in any way perfect so I need all the help I can get to live my life, but you telling me exactly what to do is not helping anyone. It just makes me angry and makes you look like an idiot. 

No, I'm not talking to anyone in particular. I've had many people do this to me lately. I ask for their opinion and they go overboard. Then it puts me in an interesting spot. I can either A) listen to their advice and do what they say so I won't hurt their feelings, but it may not make me completely happy, or B) don't do what they say and hurt their feelings, consequently losing a friendship and either being happy or not, who knows. So, when your opinion is called upon make sure you only give me your opinion, not a written out "How-to" manual on "How-to live Jordan's life". Trust me, if there was a good enough one of those I'd done read it by now. 

I'm trying something new these days. I'm trying to be a nicer person. But I've learned that in this day and age it is extremely difficult to be sweet to everyone you associate with. It very hard to say something nice all the time. I've become so accustomed to having a sarcastic or witty comment after everything someone says that they just fly out of my mouth without me even thinking about it first. 

This is quite a downfall in some cases. 

I anger my mom quite frequently with this new talent of mine. I also see it in my friends faces after I say something that hurts them. 

I don't know if it's because of what I watch on the TV or what I imagine to be the perfect lady that everyone wants me to be. But I do know that something needs to change in my life. I know that because I'm not happy. 

I've been happy before. I've been rather content a couple times in my life. This time is not one of them. I know I'm loved. I know people care for me. I know people would hate to see me gone. But I just feel empty and alone 90% of the time. That's a lot for someone that seems so outwardly happy. 

I've gone and turned this into a soap box and I'm sorry. I just needed to get a few things out on cyber paper.