Good Grief.

It's a rather gloomy day in the neighborhood. Just like yesterday. Clouds. Rain. Yuck.

It's actually worse than yesterday. Probably because I have three classes today, not just one.

I don't know why I went to sleep on Sunday night at 9:30 when I didn't have a class till 2:30 PM the next day and then last night I didn't lay down till 2AM when I had to get up at least by 8:30 AM to go to breakfast. I guess my body doesn't understand the kind of sleep I need to survive. Oh well. I got up this morning. Probably because my mother called me at 7:30 and when I didn't answer she called me again. After letting her "hear my little voice" I tried to roll back over and go to sleep...only to get a text from Kevin about 10 minutes later. After reading it, and not responding, I rolled over yet again to try to get a little more sleep. It was hot in my room this morning so I yanked the covers off of me and just laid there looking at the wall. About 10 minutes after that Jeryca's alarm went off. It was 8AM. I decided that the world was trying to wake me up for some reason, so I rolled out of bed...not happy to be alive.

Oh well. I had breakfast with friends this morning. And I suppose being alive is better than the alternative.

I'm so ready for Thanksgiving break...it's almost here. Only 7 more class days till I'm out of here! Then it's a world of never-ending turkey...pumpkin pie...pecan pie...dressing...happy people...and Cowboys football. Oh gosh...sounds almost too good to be true.

Oh, but before Thanksgiving gets here, the day I get home for Thanksgiving break, I get to go to the midnight showing of TWLIGHT!!!! The movie is finally here!!! I don't think I can express how happy I am right now. I've been ready for this for a while...and it's going to be beyond amazing. I mean...BEYOND AMAZING!!! Robert Pattinson, AKA Edward Cullen, is going to be in Dallas today for autographs and such. Marie and I were trying to think of ways we could get there and not skip class. There was no way. You had to be at the Hot Topic at the Galleria by 6AM to get a wristband to meet him. Sad day. But knowing that he is just three hours away from me...wow...that's good enough. :))

Kevin is coming to see me this week and Kip is coming to see Marie. We are very excited about it. We're going to double date on Saturday night. It's going to be just like the movies. We're hoping that Kip and Kevin become good friends. Who knows if they will. (They better!)

Well now Kevin is complaining to be about not coming to him with my problems...it's going to be a great day in my neck of the woods!

As Charlie Brown puts it..."Good Grief".

I guess I'll write a real blog...

So, I need to catch back up on this blogging thing. I was doing a really good job of it last semester and I guess I gradually over the summer let it die. Probably because I think Marie and Dad are the only two people that read this thing and I tell them about everything anyway.
Last night I laid down at about 9:30 and was asleep pretty soon after that. That is probably the earliest I have gone to sleep in a long time. Probably since I was in Intermediate School. I wasn’t sick or anything, just extremely tired. When I woke up at 8:55 to go to the restroom I thought about staying up and starting my day early, but when I peeked outside and realized how ugly of a day it was...I changed my mind and crawled back in my bed.
My bed here at school isn’t half as comfy as my bed at home. After sleeping in my amazing bed at home I hate the one in my dorm. It’s lumpy...probably because the little eggshell thing I have, trying to make it comfier always lumps up and will never stay fixed...and the sheets aren’t my comfy red ones that I love. I can’t wait till winter break so I’ll have a month or so of total comfort!
It’s getting cold again. Who knows how long it will last this time. Hopefully longer than a day. Of course it came with rain...which made me not like today too much. But I do love the cold! I’m wearing a bright orange VV jacket today. Just because I can. :)) It makes me miss home. But on the positive side I will never get hit by a car because it’s so bright you can probably see it from Jupiter. Back to the cold...I love it! “It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas!” I’m already in the Christmas mood. They’re using the Christmas cups already at Starbucks. Not that I’m getting any Starbucks because I don’t have any money...but I’m sitting by Starbucks so I can smell all the wonderful coffee being made and drank by people that are lucky enough to have $5 to spend on it. (This is a plug to get my daddy to send me Starbucks money).
I have a huge history test on Thursday...which probably means that I shouldn’t be wasting my time writing a blog, and I should be studying. Oh well. I’ll do it later. I can’t sit and study for hours on end. I’m sure my head would explode. I also have a paper due on Thursday that I thought was due NEXT Thursday...so I’ll be working on that along with my studying.
So, Marie and I decided that we needed to change our AIM screen-names because her’s is old, and mine is about Zeta. If you have any ideas let me know because I am not that creative. (Dad, I don’t want anything about toenails...)
Ok, I guess this is enough of a blog for now. Maybe when I have something real to talk about I’ll write another one.

I wrote a poem

Boy meets girl.
Girl meets boy.
Boy likes girl.
Girl loves boy.
Boy leads girl on.
Girl follows boy wherever he leads.
Boy likes girl.
Girl still loves boy.
Boy leaves girl.
Girl misses boy.
Boy writes to girl.
Girl continues to love boy.
Boy doesn't go back to girl.
Girl goes to boy.
Boy drags girl further down.
Girl can't get enough of boy.
Boy lets go of girl.
Girl falls.
Girl loses all hope.
Girl is all alone.
Girl is lost.
Boy wants girl.
Girl loves another boy
Boy calls girl.
Girl falls again for boy.
Boy goes home to girl.
Girl loves boy.
Boy leaves girl again.
Girl loses all hope, is alone, is lost...again.
Boy forgets girl.
Girl moves on.
Girl finds hope.
Girl loves.

It's a survey but I thought it should be shared.

01] Do you have the guts to answer these questions and re-post as The Controversial Survey?
I will answer them all...but I probably won't post it as that.






[02] Would you do meth if it was legalized?
No. Why would I do something that would kill me? I don't play in traffic just because it isn't illegal.







[03] Abortion:for or against it?
I am for it in certain cases. I don't think that a girl that got pregnant should get one just because she doesn't want a child.

But I do think that it should always be the woman, not the government's choice.






[04] Do you think the world would fail with a female president?
No I don't think the world would fail. We would probably have some problems considering that there are some people stuck in their stubborn ways. But I think that a woman can do just as good of a job as a man.





[05] Do you believe in the death penalty?
I'm from Texas, so that's a given.

But I think if I even wasn't from Texas I would believe in it. There are some people that just do horrible things that should never be able to breathe again.






[06] Do you wish marijuana would be legalized already?
Didn't I basically answer that question with the meth one? It could kill you. It damages your body.
Why would you want to do something like that?




[07] Are you for or against premarital sex?
I would be a hypocrite if I said that I was against it. But I do have a great respect for people that wait.







08] Do you believe in God?
I do believe that there is a God.





[09] Do you think same sex marriage should be legalized
The Christian in me says that it shouldn't be, because of the things that the Bible says.

But then the other part of me thinks that we have evolved enough, and that it has been a few years since the Bible was born, and things have changed.

So, I think that it would be fine for it to be legalized, that is the person's decision to be the way they are. I am no one to stop it.




[10] Do you think it's wrong that so many Hispanics are illegally moving to the USA?
Yes if they're doing it illegally. I really don't see what is so wrong of doing it legally. Why can't they do what they need to do to become a US citizen. They're not getting the rights that make the US so good if they are illegal. They have to hide.
What's the fun in that?




[11] A twelve year old girl has a baby, should she keep him?
That is the gray area in abortions.

First off, I don't think she is old enough to have sex. And if she did it willingly I blame the parents for not raising her well enough to know that she can't go dropping her pants before she's even a teen. Part of me thinks that if she did it willingly she should have to live with the consequences and have the baby. But a 12 year old's body is not equipped to carry a baby for nine months and then go through labor, it could damage her for life and probably hurt her chances of having kids in the future.

If she didn't have sex willingly, like if she was raped, she should be able to have an abortion because she shouldn't be forced to live with something like that for the rest of her life.

Like I said, it's a real gray area.





[12] Should the alcohol age be lowered to eighteen?
I know that the drinking age used to be 18. And I know that lots of people that are between the ages of 18 and 21 think that the age should be lowered again. But there is a good reason that they raised the age. People were dying. More than should have been.
I know that people still drink and do stupid things and die before they are 21, but why risk it?






[13] Should the war in Iraq be called off?
I think that the war should have never started, but now that we are in it we should stick it out and support what we are doing.

With that said, it should be ended as soon as possible. This has been going on since 2001. That's 7 years. What has it done? If it has done anything, it's just made Americans even more scared of terrorists and anything else that poses a threat to our country.

So, I think we should get our troops out of there. But in a planned out way. We can't just "call it off".




[14] Assisted suicide is illegal: do you agree?
I find this a hard thing to think about. if someone is lying in a bed hurting really bad, who are we to say that he can't tell the doctors to pull the plug? He is in pain. I wouldn't want to lie in pain for days, weeks, months, even years. Sometimes it's better to let them just leave this life and go to heaven.




[15] Do you believe in spanking your children?
Yes I believe in spanking your children.

I don't believe in beating your children.

But a little smack with a belt now and then never killed anyone.

Gosh it hurt a whole lot, but I'm sure I'm a better person for it.





[16] Would you burn an American flag for a million dollars?
Maybe one of those little dollar store ones. lol.

But no, that's just plain disrespectful. And whoever put me up to that should be shipped off to the front lines in Iraq.





[17] Who do you think would make a better president? McCain or Obama?
Obama.

I don't feel like going on and on about why he will.

But at least he won't kill over withing a few months of being elected.





[18] Do you think Obama will be killed?
I would like to think that he won't. I like to think that people are more mature than that.

We let black men act in our movies and win our oscars. We let black men teach our children. We let black men perform surgery on our dying relatives. Why can we not let a black man run our country? They already do in more ways than one. What does a white man do better than a black man? Nothing.




[19] Should child predators be forced to wear signs identifying themselves?
I don't see why child predators are even out in the world. Why aren't they locked up somewhere in a private community where they can't get to any of our children. I'm all for second chances. But not for someone who sexually abused a child. No way. That's not only wrong, it's just plain gross.






[20] Are you afraid others will judge you from reading some of your answers?
Oh I know they will. But i think that it really shouldn't matter because they are my feelings.

Don't let it happen again

We think we know who we are and what we're about. Even if we don't know right away, we figure it out in the end. Right?

Because sometime we think we have it all figured out the "BAM" our of nowhere something smacks us straight in the face unexpectedly. 

Maybe we never know who we are. Maybe we will never know the true us. 

I may never be too decisive about anything, but I always think I know who I am. When I make a decision, I stick to it. I try to give my heart and go with it. 

Is it all worth is?

I've had moments in my life when I knew exactly who I was and exactly who I wanted to be. That was two years ago and I now find myself to be a completely different person and I want completely different things. 

Is the thing that matters the most right now going to matter as much to me ten years down the road?

I like to think that I'm old enough now that I can make life long decisions and be fine with the results. But how will I ever know? I don't want to have to live with a mistake for the rest of my life. I know I should just give my heart and go in every aspect of my life, friends, relationships, school work, it's just hard. 

I know who I am...I love Kevin, I'm very happy with all of my friends, and I would do anything for my family...but I'm not sure if the me I know is the real me. I don't want to change, so how and I suppose to be sure it won't happen again?

I saw God today.

Today has already been a special day. I woke up at 8:30AM...yes you read that right...8:30AM. I decided that it was a great day to go eat breakfast with my girls. I loaded my laundry basket in my truck on the way to the cafeteria so I wouldn't have to make too many trips on my way out this afternoon. After breakfast I got ready and decided to go ahead and load the rest of my stuff in the car and head over to WalMart to return my redbox movie and to buy Sex and the City. After WalMart I filled up my truck and decided that I needed to reward myself for getting up early and taking care of things so I drove over to Sonic. I ordered I medium strawberry limeade and the man on the intercom asked it I wanted to make it a large so it would last longer, I figure what the heck, it's just a few more cents. After a while he walked out with my large drink in hand and I could tell he was the manager. He got to my car and this is what he said, "So, here's how this is going to work. The lady at smoothie kind earlier gave me a smoothie, so I'm going to give you a strawberry limeade. Now you have to go out and do something good for someone." After thanking him a whole bunch, probably more than a sonic drink was worth, I drove off in awe. It was just the "pick up" that I needed to make this day perfect. It's just so amazing to see how God works. I know that I have trouble with my faith, but something like this makes me realize that the world isn't all bad, that God is here. 

I can't wait till I get a chance to change someone else's day. 

I'm sorry

I'm sorry that I can't be perfect for everyone.

I'm sorry that I can't do exactly what everyone wants me to do.
I'm sorry that when I talk on the phone I don't talk for very long, I get uncomfortable.
I'm sorry that I don't always say the right things.
I'm sorry that I don't always say things when I'm supposed to.
I'm sorry that I can't make decisions all the time.
I'm sorry I get tempted.
I'm sorry I spend money like it's nobody's business.
I'm sorry that I can't make up my mind about what I want to do in life.
I'm sorry that I cut people off when they're talking.
I'm sorry that I like to sleep really late.
I'm sorry that I'm not that great at the whole "school" thing.
I'm sorry that I've not been the best friend I could be.
I'm sorry that I get hot really easily, I'm fat, that's how fat people are.
I'm sorry I'm mean a lot.
I'm sorry that I expect more from you.
I'm sorry that I don't like the same music as you.
I'm sorry that I have a past that I don't want to forget.
I'm sorry that I don't go to church in Nac.
I'm sorry that you don't like me.
I'm sorry that you think I don't like you.
I'm sorry that I'm not that school spirited.
I'm sorry that we grew apart.
I'm sorry that I don't like poetry.
I'm sorry that I can't remember useless history facts.
I'm sorry that I'm lazy.
I'm sorry I can't grow up like I need to.
I'm sorry that I can't forgive her.
I'm sorry I eat too much.
I'm sorry I can't go back and make everything right from the start.
I'm sorry I'm not her.

I'm sorry I'm not a hero.